Why is cheating so bad?

[Guest]

since everyone pretty much ignored this post in that other topic. and I seriously want to know what you think, I'm re-posting it in a new thread.

What's so Horrible about cheating anyways? what is it about cheating that rips at your heart? what's so wrong with following through with what feels right? is it because of the preset rule that if one were to cheat it *could* end the relationship and by cheating it's some symbolism that you don't care about the relationship? (that's my best guess) but when you make rules like this doesn't it feel restrictive? like you can't do what you want to do because it's "The Rules". Personally, I'd love to have the relationship with someone that I really connect with. someone who always has my back, and all that jazz, but I'm not sure this exclusivity thing has to be part of the deal. I want to live my life doing whatever I want to do and not following anyone's rules. I would think more people would also like that freedom.

[Guest]

Exclusivity will be something you crave eventually. I've gone through a phase where I would not even think of it...I think it's an age/maturity thing.

The problem I have is once I open up to a chick an give myself to her (which hasn't even come close to happening in a very long time) There's a trust bond built...I'll give ya me if you give me you. Now, if I go out and start sexin' up some other pretty young thing...well I'm not giving the first girl all of me...and you can't progress in a relationship like that.

[Guest]

Sorry for ignoring your question in my post.
My whole problem with cheating, and this is probably going to sound really AFCish but I technically am still AFC, is if I am in a LTR with a girl that means that I am devoted to her. She is the only one I desire to express myself sexually with and I expect nothing less from her.
Thats my views on cheating.

[Guest]

I think we all have a desire to have one girl that we are emotionally attached with. If you are in a relationship, then it has been agreed that you guys are not going to cheat. If you want to cheat, just don't be in a relationship.

[Guest]

Yep sounds to me like you are not ready to settle down.

Think of it a little different.

You are going out with a girl. You are in love with her yadda yadda.

She goes out and nails some dude. I mean she gets freaky ass wild with this dude.

You're telling me you are ok with this? You're telling me you want to give it to her that night. I mean some dude just busted a nut all over her less than 24 hours ago. You sure you are ok with this? Cum residue still lingers on the taste buds of her tongue.

If the answer is yes then by all means you can handle an open relationship. You sir are most likely a swinger.

[Guest]

You kill me PC "you sir are most likely a swinger."
The problem with cheating is, it's a breach of trust. You trusted she would only ride your baloney pony and she took a ride on someones kielbasa. Because she broke that trust you are upset. It's not usually the Kielbasa that pisses guys off though they won't admit it.

I had a girlfriend that cheated on my. She was a drama queen and she did it as much as anything to spice up the bland relationship. It backfired on her. She expected me to get pissed at him and want to fight. At this time in my life, I'd fight for fun. I'd get bored at a club and get a throw down in the parking lot. i usually went after tourists, frat boys and such (sorry to any frat boy brothers here.) Well she failed to think about was how I would take the cheating. She thought I'd be pissed and want to fight the dude. I didn't. I was pissed at her, ended the relationship and ended up being friends with the guy.

The way I see it, he committed no crime. He saw a chick, he liked her, she was willing, he banged her. Just like I would have were I in that situation. She on the other hand, broke trust and I told her when we started the relationship, "I have no control over you, you can do whatever you choose but remember, you actions have consequences."

Now, if it was a friend and he new I thought it was unacceptable and he did it anyway, that would be a breach of trust. (hence the reason I would never bang a buddies girl, even to break them up.)

The easiest way to deal with this is to manage expectations to begin with. If your belief is you are both exclusive, tell her that, don't assume. If you want to have other girls but you want her to stay devoted, tell her that. If it's OK to be with other guys as long as you know about it before hand, tell her that.
If you manage expectations, you avoid the breach of trust. Unless someone out values you, but you can't blame a girl for trading up.

[Guest]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being non-exclusive, but that's very different from cheating.

Cheating ultimately comes back in a bad way.

Asking what's wrong with cheating is equivalent to asking the question, what's wrong with lying? What's wrong with making promises you never intend to keep?

Just don't make the promises in the first place. Make your own rules that you want, and then live by them.

[Guest]

The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, and that one is prepared in the end, to be defeated, and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one’s love upon other human individuals.
George Orwell

[Guest]

So once again, Vector writes in 4 lines what took me 4 paragraphs.