Back from short LTR - lessons learned

[Guest]

Well I got into a short relationship with a girl recently... almost 4 weeks. First relationship post-divorce, first sex post divorce, first break up post divorce. So I'm back now... I broke it off with her. She was starting to get serious and I decided that was not where I was headed. I learned some interesting stuff about the state of me along the way:

1) Definitely not ready for a LTR - when we first started dating I thought I might be and was all into her... but the more serious it got, the more I actually freaked out about having any kind of commitment to someone else like that.
2) Missed the game... actually almost broke it off in the first week thinking 'why would i date just one person' - but at the time decided to see where things went before making a decision, and also there was #3
3) when we first got together i was dating a couple other women -- dating multiple people at once is hard... who told you what when? i don't know... gotta figure out how to keep this stuff straight in the future ;) definitely a bit of a skill in itself, managing multiple women at the same time
4) got a long way to go on a personal level... as soon as i started dating one person regularly, a lot of the old AFC stuff and old relationship habits came out....
need to spend more time on personal/lifestyle development before i get into a serious ltr
5) I now know I won't settle anymore... as soon as I decided this one was not really what I was looking for, I basically didn't want to spend anymore time trying and was actually turned off by her at that point... the old me would've tried to make it work and not given up but the new me just doesn't have time for that shit.
6) You would think after telling someone you wanted a divorce less than a year ago just breaking up from a 3-4 week relationship would be pretty easy... but it's not :) i think of all the nice guy/afc traits i got, not wanting to directly hurt someone will probably be the hardest to overcome... but in this case there would have been much more hurt to her and me by not doing the direct thing.

At this point I've decided I'm going to work to avoid LTRs for the foreseeable future while I work on my game and internalizing some stuff a bit better.

[Guest]

[quote1222269928=Justice]6) You would think after telling someone you wanted a divorce less than a year ago just breaking up from a 3-4 week relationship would be pretty easy... but it's not :) i think of all the nice guy/afc traits i got, not wanting to directly hurt someone will probably be the hardest to overcome... but in this case there would have been much more hurt to her and me by not doing the direct thing.[/quote1222269928]



If you spend any amount of meaningful time with someone, dumping them NEVER gets any easier. I absolutely loathe the 'talk.'

[Guest]

Glad it's not just me then :) Was hoping it gets easier with practice but guess not ;) I lucked out this time she was actually pretty cool about it but you never know how they're going to react.

[Guest]

Congrats Justice. You and I have both covered some similar ground on our journey through divorce to PUAville!

Dating multiple women has taught me a lot about women and their tricks. It has also helped me figure out what I want and need from a female so I can be happy with just one someday. Wait until you get a hold of a girl that reminds you of your exwife!

[Guest]

Howie, please don't even say things like that lol... just not even funny

[Guest]

[quote1222274023=UncleHOwie]
.... Wait until you get a hold of a girl that reminds you of your exwife!
[/quote1222274023]


Dam... never heard of that dimension... UncleHowie, can you post something about that.

[Guest]

I have run into that. In fact I went on a date about a week or so ago with a girl that looked, talked, dressed, and even sounded like my ex wife. It was really difficult to not form a bias about the girl before I even got to know her. Turns out she is very different. Speaks 3 languages, partner in her own business, owns her own house, family is loaded, and has lived all over the world. We actually hit it off great.

The more I think about it the more i began to realize many of the reason why I got divorced in the first place are no longer me. I've was given the freedom to reevaluate myself and honestly I'm a much different man that I was when I got divorced 3 yrs ago. I have grown in personality, value, confidence, and a whole lot more. Honestly if I were the same guy I am today then I may have never gotten divorced in the first place, but that's a long story and I can say that i have no regrets over it other than not seeing my kids as often as I like.

But it's going to be natural, eventually, to be attracted to a girl that possesses some of the same qualities as your ex. I mean there was something there that made you have an LTR in the first place with her. Cool thing is we learn and grow from each experience and take with us a better understanding of the type of women we really want.

[Guest]

It seems like I have lots to learn still...

[Guest]

All part of life sleek :) You're starting ahead of a lot of us tho so you're good to go :)