doing things wrong

[Neuromancer]

Talking to a coffee shop buddy, I realized that I have a sticking point. I am afraid to do things wrong. This manifests in different ways. When I can do things right, I become a know it all because I want approval. I avoid doing things because I don't want to do it wrong. I constantly seek approval for things I am doing to make sure I am doing them right.

This makes me a know it all who doesn't come through, lacks confidence and is needy. This sucks. So, were do I go from here? Do i need an inner game hypno-therapist?

[MagicBalls]

There's no such thing as perfect. Perfection is merely one ideal in a sea of infinite possibilities.

I have suffered from the same thing for a long time. I used to say, "If it's not perfect, why even try." But by not exploring new possibilities you hold yourself back from improving your skills and experiencing new circumstances.

I have sometimes wondered if this is self-sabotage in disguise. I know where self-sabotage comes from. It exists for two reasons. The first reason is because we hold on to our limited view of self for dear life. That self-perception may not be complete, but we trick ourselves in many different ways into continuing the same habits and behavior patterns despite the fact that we are capable of so much more. The second reason is that when we do decide to make a change, we then become our own worst critic. We say, why did it take me so long to make this change? We think back on circumstances where we should have done things differently. We think how different our lives could have been if we had made that change earlier, but we were too stubborn to do do it.

The answer for me is acceptance. Acceptance of the infinite possibilities resulting from improving my skills and applying my potential. And acceptance of myself at all points in time in all periods of my life no matter what. An unconditional acceptance. Yeah, so I called that girl too many times in high school. I laugh about it, and become empathetic to my situation at that time instead of beating myself up about it. Yeah, so when I'm old I'll be wearing diapers and talking nonsense. I will have to accept myself and love myself at that time just as much or more than ever before. So now, when I can see an area of my life that I can change, I don't judge myself for not making the change earlier. I just do it and enjoy the newfound results.

[Sinatra]

Understand, what we do is not about being perfect. It is about the willingness to be honest about ourselves. It is about the journey. This is what makes living in this reality wonderful. If you boiled it down to its basic component, you will see that we all have our challenges (or crosses) to bear. The joy is in the journey. The fact that you are willing to see the cracks in your armour, should be some thing to be commended. Lets face it, we are just human beings trying to find our way through the darkness.

Besides, if we were perfect then how would we be able to connect with any one?

[MagicBalls]

It is about the journey. This is what makes living in this reality wonderful.

In Ellen Langer's Mindfulness, she discusses how becoming more process-oriented leads us to be more engaged in the present moment. We're also able to envision and reshape our view of the potential outcome as we interact and take in new information.

So while you might envision what it would be like to fuck a certain chick based on the last Jenna Jameson flick you saw because she looks liker her, in the process of sarging this girl you discover elements in her personality and character that make both the process and the final outcome so particular and unique that it's better than what you could have imagined. When you immerse yourself in the process, as you truly become engaged in what is happening moment by moment, you generate an energy that draws people in. You interact, you learn, you adjust, and discover yourself and the world around you.

[El Fenix]

Some of the better times Vector and I have had, have been trying out dumb things, just to see what would happen. Case in point, "I like salad" opener!
I really do think in some ways getting good at anything is trying a lot of different things and keeping what works.

We are all afraid of failing. I have failed in certain areas lately, thats why I'm in the situation I am in. Do I hate it some days ? YES! Is it the end of the world? NO!

[Vector]

Think back to a time when you faced a chance of doing things wrong, but you did it anyway and it worked. Visualize that event, especially how you felt and how you acted. Focus on it.

Whenever your fear of doing things wrong begins to paralyze you, bring back that image. You have it in you, and it's probably not even that tough to bring it out if you know how.

[MagicBalls]

My band teacher used to say, "If you play a wrong note, make sure it's a loud one."

[LavianOrlandu]

Magic, that's not what my band teacher used to tell us. Maybe that was because I was in the Percussion section. He had a thing against us.

Neuro, don't think of it as failing, or doing something wrong. Think of it as a situation that you can learn something valuable from. Sure you could royally bomb your game with that certain HB, or botch a business presentation, or mess up on an exam. What I always do is realize that it was only a moment in time that I need to evaluate and learn from. Remember the lesson, not the moment. It's my secret to boldness anyway.

[MagicBalls]

What my Band teacher was doing was instilling confidence in us. A wrong note played well will always sound better that the right note played half-assed. For all the audience knows, the chord could have been an F major 9 instead of and F major. If it's played with a beautiful tone and with emotion, it will come through as music. The delivery is the most important thing. If you deliver with confidence and conviction, you can't ever be wrong.

[Rhody]

What my Band teacher was doing was instilling confidence in us. A wrong note played well will always sound better that the right note played half-assed. For all the audience knows, the chord could have been an F major 9 instead of and F major. If it's played with a beautiful tone and with emotion, it will come through as music. The delivery is the most important thing. If you deliver with confidence and conviction, you can't ever be wrong.

That's deep. Excellent analogy.

I look at the possibility of doing something wrong as a potential opportunity to demonstrate flexibility, confidence, and composure. I was driving with a girl when I realized I was lost. I just said to her, "I think I was supposed to take an exit about five minutes ago, so now we're going on a little adventure. This is fun, I've never been down here before." She just smiled and said, "ok, yeah, this is fun."