How would you respond?

[Guest]

OK, here's one. Like with PC's example, let me know what you would do in this situation.

Two months ago, I have a one night stand with this girl. I don't know her from before, and I haven't spoken to her since. We do, however, have some mutual friends, which is pure coincidence because I met her out. I tried to call her a couple times afterward but the next day she was just crying on the phone, and after that nothing happened because she would not answer calls.

Our mutual friends told me she couldn't stop talking about me, however, she wouldn't respond to calls or text and after about two weeks I dropped it.

My sense is that either I was in a less advanced place and coming off very "relationship-y" which may have scared her away aka too much pressure, OR she just felt awkward about the whole thing because she hadn't done that sort of thing before (according to our friends). Possibly both. So now I have to make up for my previous lack of skill with some extra work.

Last night, out of the blue and without any precedent on my part, I get a text from her:


"I am only interested in friendship, NOTHING more"


Keep in mind that I've never been her friend. Even our mutual friends - they're not good friends of mine, more like I see them every other month or so. So she's obviously trying to re-establish contact, while making it clear that she's not putting out.

I did not answer her last night being that I'm sick and I was asleep.

This is tricky from so many different angles. If I comply "OK blah blah", I come across as a chump and even risk being LBJF'd (which has NEVER happened to me and I'm not about to let it start now.) If I push, I risk aggravating whatever emotional button I pushed earlier and I may need to wait another 2 months before i hear from her. If I joke about it, then I come across as a social retard since obviously this is important to her.

I have an idea what I want to do, but would like to hear yours.

Thoughts?

[Guest]

Based on her statement: "I am only interested in friendship, nothing more", I'd conclude that yes she did hurt herself by having a one night stand. She couldn't face you at the time because you were a simple reminder of what she did wrong. Maybe she had a boyfriend at the time she cheated on??? Who knows.

As time has passed, the fact remains that she has some mental and physical attraction for you. I think this "I am only interested in friendship" statement means.......she sees some potential with you and doesn't want to upset the cart too early in the game like happened the first time.

Feel her out and see if she's looking for somebody serious or what she exactly wants. Ask yourself what you want and go from there. Just going off what I've read, I'd assume that she wants some commitment and its going to take a couple dates before she gives it up. You'll also have to convince her you can be trusted if you expect her to give up the puss'.

I had a girl do this to me just recently. I got her to do some sexual things she probably normally doesn't do, to lets just be friends I'm going back to my old boyfriend, to I miss talking to you and want to sleep with you, to I want to come stay the night with you, to oh yeah I'm not with my boyfriend anymore!

Women are emotional creatures and don't always say what the mean. One week later they might be feeling an entirely different set of emotions for you.

[Guest]

There wasn't any boyfriend as far as I'm aware.

As far as what I want, that's easy because I know exactly what I want. I want a no-strings relationship that's PRESSURE FREE and if something grows from that, great.

As for that, in my opinion it takes getting to know somebody at least 3 months in such a relationship before I even think about the commitment of going exclusive or anything like that. I'm not going to base a relationship decision on sex alone or only seeing somebody's "good side."

Ok that was a tangent.

[Guest]

Grimm... you should read "Ways of a Superior Man".

The Shit test is explained more clearly in that material than MM.
I think she wants something more and her request for "friendship only" is a Shit Test.
And also getting a sense/grip of her self control back.

I think she wants someone with confidence and a leader, that is why you were able to sweep her off her feet and now is having such a conflict.
You need to know her... and friendship is a good way.
Is she a control freak?
Does she get emotional so easily?
Was her morals compromised?

Friend Zone is not too bad, if you are fixing the damage you have caused.
She can still be mad at you at the end, but you would have a clear conscience.

[Guest]

It just depends on what your want Grimm. If you think she's a cool chick then be friends with her. If you don't want her as a a friend say this: Thanks, but I have enough friends. Just like Howie said she will come around and be the one chasing you.

[Guest]

"Good, I have no interest in a relationship. Let's grab lunch later this week."

[Guest]

This is a returning fox, and she's trying to set some boundaries that she's not putting out as quick as others mentioned. She's definitely interested, or she wouldn't have texted obviously.

And as others have mentioned, it's really dependent on what you want, which you've now told us. but i'm not clear if it's take it or leave it, you could care less on the outcome(which we ALL should be in ALL situations...best way to get the outcome we really want)

anyways.

i know you said you don't subscribe much to the C&F ...but i think this warrents it. She's out of the blue playing returning fox, and trying to take upper hand....hell no.

I'd drop something like:

Great! let's paint toenails and braid our hair this weekend... :) hehe. let's go grab a drink X night Y venue, Z time and catch up

or something that dismisses her statement and puts you back in a game situation where you run standard game and assume you know nothing about her. i WOULD NOT, and strongly recommend, as with any shit test, try to engage it in some logical discussion or even entertain that thread of discussion. dismiss it, move on, and pass the test. I would not acknowledge that statement in any way except in a cocky/funny response busting on her and that weak shit.

Oh, and you would NOT be a social retard by joking about their shit tests. guarantee it.

[Guest]

yeah as topdog said, I would ignore her last statement and just bust some random shits or make it seem like nothing happened between you. don't make it awkward and act like nothing happened and it's no biggie. At least that's what I would do, but if you're serious about her, seek some expert's guides.

[Guest]

Imager:

Haven't read that book. Maybe I will have to check it out sometime, thanks. I can't so much answer your questions because I don't know this girl that well and I'm having trouble remembering our conversation from that night.

Lion,

I want to fuck her, I want her around, but I have rules about how fast I commit to anything. I remember this girl was talking about relationships and weddings and babies the night I took her home. Not so fast.

PC,

Thanks bro.

Top Dog,

My relationship rule is not bendable at all, so yes it is "take it or leave it." I LOVE your C&F answer, it made me crack up laughing! I agree with you that this is a challenge on her part and the ONLY way to handle it is to dismiss it somehow or at least be unaffected. I'm not trying to dump on C&F, I know it works, it just isn't my weapon of choice for a variety of reasons.

Sleek,

what's up sleek?

----

So thinking about it, I believe I actually saw this girl at Uptown on Saturday Night. Maybe? I remember seeing a girl that I thought might be her, and commenting to myself, but then I forgot. I was very hammered so I don't remember...

If so, it is possible that she would have seen me making out with a different girl at the bar. That could change things I suppose...

Man this girl is getting under my skin!!!! That's bad. I'm so fucking curious now, which makes me want to have her.

[Guest]

hey man if you ever on my side of town give me a call and if i'm home you can have that book that imager recommends. A lot of people like, but it just wasn't for me.