What Girls Really Think

[Guest]

[color=#ff0000]A friend of mine, who is probably one of the smartest women I've ever met wrote this on her blog. We have the most fascinating conversations relating to people and relationships and, even though she doesn't use our language, she has unknowingly adopted our philosophies. That old adage that nice guys finish last? Well, check it out...apparently the saying exists because it's absolutely TRUE![/color]


Nice Guys Finish Last

JENSWEETPEA***: I talked to Neil last night after the bar.
OLIVIAORR: Cool, what was up?
JENSWEETPEA***: He thinks you eat men for breakfast and spit them out.
OLIVIAORR: Oh? Interesting.
JENNSWEETPEA***: You think he's still upset about the "friend" speech?
OLIVIAORR: He shouldn't be. I was honest and I was fair. If that is Man Eating... then I'm guilty as charged.
JENNSWEETPEA***: Haha.


Last week I went out with Jenn and some friends. We ended up going out to a bar where Self-Proclaimed Nice Guy Neil was.

Background on Neil:
I met him at a volleyball game. He was nice and tall... both are very attractive qualities. We did the standard, facebook eachother and then call to hang out.
We went on a "date".
First...
I had to chose the place.
Then...
after dinner... he asked me what I wanted to do next.
... which I replied, let's go paintballing.
He didn't tell me he hated paintball... so he ended up griping the way home.

I decided this was clearly not a guy I wanted to date, but he was fun and I wouldn't mind having him as a friend.
So instead of agreeing to one on one hang outs, I only went out if I had a friend with me.
I made it very clear I wasn't looking for a relationship and eventually the calls faded.

Until I went out with Jenn. We walked into the bar and see Neil and his friend in the corner.
It was lighthearted and fun until Jenn left with his friend to dance. Then it was just Neil with me.

"So, do I offend you in someway?"
I didn't know how to respond, "I don't know what you mean."
"You never met up with me when I invited you over."
Ah, now I knew. He was upset about the blow off... which it's usually not my style, but it seemed appropriate for him (delicate guys usually need a less direct approach in my mind).
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I just got a date vibe from your invites and didn't want to lead you on."
I thought he was going to drop his beer.
Most guys expect to be lied to when they confront a girl directly.
I'm not one of those girls who does the white lie. When asked, I'll tell them... it's fair.. and would be what I want them to do for me.
"You thought you were leading me on?"
Great I thought, here is where he gets defensive... "No, just I got a vibe from you and instead of asking you about it, I acted shady."
I took the blame here and made him seem in culpable.
He seemed to take that in. “What if those were supposed to be date invites?”
That surprised me. I hadn’t expected him to admit he was trying to invite me on a date. Most guys tend to jump on the defensive.
“Oh,” I drew out… “I guess I saw you more as a friend.”
He looked angry.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, it’s irritating for me when I hear that. I’m not trying to be a jerk.”
“Okay, I’m sorry if it’s irritating.”
“No, it’s irritating because I’m a nice guy. Girls never want to be with the nice guy. I just feel that I get walked over and always stuck in the friend category.”

After that barrage… I excused myself from the table and decided to make some new friends. Less bitter ones.

Next morning… I got Jenn’s IMs.

Which leads me to this rant.
Nice guys DO finish last.
It’s just how it works.

The modern girl is a lot like the modern guy.
They want to have excitement, fun and feel a connection.
In the end of the day, they want to be with someone that won’t stomp all over them, but still give them the connection they are looking for.

That’s in general terms.

What the nice guy label is… is an excuse.
It’s a label that guys who have not learned how to relate to women assign themselves to make them a victim in the dating game.
It’s the same thing when you’re playing basketball with your friends and start to win. It’s then they start whining about their ACL injury three years ago.
… yes. Might be a factor… but it wasn’t a problem until you started to lose.

I am tired of listening to self proclaimed nice guys sit around and victimise themselves.
I’m not a believer in griping about your life.
I’m a believer in DOING something to make it better.

This might be why I get so heated about the “Nice Guys” label.

Here’ show I see it.
Women want a man who is strong.
Strong=Safe.
Strength is found in a variety of forms. Strength of body, strength of mind, strength of finances, strength of personality… list goes on.
Safety is the primary motivation for women. It probably harkens back to caveman days where protection from predators was cruicial in the survival of the woman and her offspring.
Nice cavemen didn’t hack it… they got eaten.

As we evolved into being a more intellectual species (with less predators) we were able to start to redefine what meant safety.

In older societies it was your social standing that could better you into a better class (we can still see hold overs from that today, why money pulls women).

Today though our society is encouraged to be blended… and we don’t have many sabre tooth tigers lurking to eat us at the hearth…

So we focus on Strength of self.

Each woman defines it differently, but my observation of nice guys through my encounters has been the following:
1.) He doesn’t know what he wants. He defers to what you want each time… as if his opinion had no bearing.
2.) He backs away from confrontations. Not realising that most girls throw these out to gauge how you handle the situation. We are higher thinking beings… we do this in a more subtle manner. Ever notice when you tell your dog not to do something, they try to do it anyway? That’s just intrinsic in nature to test boundaries… these guys will back down when you test their boundaries.
3.) He puts himself at a lower position of value than yourself. Which encourages you to take him for granted. Think about all of the things that you expect your family to do for you (or have expected them to do). Your reasoning? Oh, they are family!... same with these guys, “Oh, it’s just (insert name here).”

That is why most girls aren’t attracted to nice guys.
With no attraction… we’re in the friend zone.

The correlary for this exists though.

Dating jerks… is a lot like owning a convertible.
It’s fun, but not really practical for the long haul.
A lot of girls like to date jerks for the fun aspect of it… but seldom do they settle down with them.
However the appeal to jerks?
Easy. They exude self-strength.
They don’t take the girl’s crap.
They make her work for their attention.

The problem with jerks?
Once the initial attraction fizzles… you’re just stuck with a difficult human being.

So what kind of guy are girls looking for?

I can only speak for myself and speculate that most girls see it the same way.

We are looking for good guy.
He’s not “nice” nor is he a “jerk”.

He’s the kind of guy that would bring you lunch because he knew you had a big project…
But he wouldn’t be the guy that would drive 30 minutes from his normal path to get a latte and bring it to you before you went to the gym.

He’s the kind of guy that you know you can count on if it matters, but won’t use.

He’s able to go toe to toe with you in a confrontation, but still listens to your side.

He values you… and you value him.

I am, and I believe most girls are… looking for a good guy.

Self-proclaimed nice guys do NOT fit this category.
Guys who prefer to hide behind the label haven’t taken any steps to correct their own situation.

1.) They haven’t taken a hard enough look at their own lives to see what is causing this type of reaction from girls. Any person of a degree of introspection could see… that if there is a pattern of behaviour from different types of people… then it might be your own actions causing the reaction.
2.) The type of girls that these guys pursue is usually a mismatched one. They go for the kind of woman who is looking for a different type of guy.
When you get this type of mis-match, then there isn’t’ going to be a relationship. It feeds into my thoughts that perception of a you… seldoms match the real you… these guys think they want to be with a type of girl… and think they deserve to be with them… when in reality, they don’t.

If the selfproclaimed nice guy wanted to date an equally nice girl who was looking for the self sacrificing man that he says he is… then he should try and date her rather than the women who don’t appear to appreciate him.

Change starts from within.
…
Hiding behind the “I’m just a nice guy” label will not land you women… it just makes you look like a baby.

Jerks finish first.
But are the first to go.
Good guys are the kind of guys that girls keep.
… and nice guys?
Nice guys finish last.
Especially self-labelling ones.

[Guest]

Burn.

[Guest]

I like what she says about Nice Guy being a label behind which some guys hide.
A label behind which guys can excuse themselves. The motto is DON'T BE AN EXCUSER.
Where have we heard this before?

The other thing that I see in this post is an explanation of Shit Tests.
She says she tests guys for their strength.

So if you come at things from a strong frame and one of dominance, those shit tests tend to roll off your back.

Notice how the guy in the conversation above reacts.

She already expects him to act a certain way because he's shown his hand after the boring dates. He gets irritated.

Then he unloads on her after she rejects him.

I'm all for scolding women but that is DEFINITELY the wrong time to do it. And don't go on and on about how women don't like you.

Nobody likes listening to someone complain and bitch about how bad things are in their lives. They don't want to hear that.

I'm not saying I don't ever get mad at women, but you gotta pull out of a nose dive when you're about to crash and burn like this poor guy.

T

[Guest]

now that's a great post

[Guest]

HB: playercool you are such an asshole.

PC: *quitely snickers*

I have never seen anything else build such attraction as being an asshole.

There is a fine line though. I don't know what percentage you give to each side. The nice side and the asshole side. I just know that they have to know you are also a nice guy(Not a nice guy in regards to that douche bag...I guess I will use her phrase "GOOD GUY"). So basically you are kinda an asshole but deep down they also know you are nice.

[Guest]

manage hard, then manage easy.
Works for employees, and girls.

Thats what I've been missing...gotta treat girls like they work for me :)

[Guest]

[quote1220715394=El Fenix]
manage hard, then manage easy.
Works for employees, and girls.

Thats what I've been missing...gotta treat girls like they work for me :)
[/quote1220715394]

You mean they don't!?! haha

[Guest]

I got through about the first half of that but then it got boring. Blah blah blah.

So that guy was a loser.

[Guest]

That was good and she got all that.