Need help reconnecting with an ex.....

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Fuzz;38658]I know I gave my power away. It was a dumb mistake. The e-mail was an attempt to get some power back by instilling a fear of loss in her. I guess it didn't work.

In six month I'll be leaving the country for a while, so I'll likely have a very different perspective on all this.[/QUOTE]

I'm trying to help you get your head straight about this. Emailing her doesn't instill any fear of loss. How can she fear losing you if you won't go away?

Look, if you want to go beta and tell her how you feel, then by all means do it. Sometimes going beta works. But don't trick yourself into believing that you're doing it from a position of power. Women have a better sense for these things than men do. That's why reinitating to let her know that you moved on will never work with a woman. She knows what's up. She knows that you're reinitiating and the rest is blah blah blah. In fact, it comes across as weak. If you contact her, you should cut the bullshit and say, "hey, I was just thinking that we always had a lot of fun together and I'd like to see you when you come to town. I'll call you to make plans."

[Guest]

Holy shit, ran into her at a party tonight. She wants me to call her while she's in town.

[Guest]

have her call you! If she really wants you.......she will call! Women will tell you all sorts of bs. Only believe their actions, and rarely their words.

[Guest]

Too late. We already had out meet-up. We only met up for a few hours at my house, and went to a couple places nearby before ending back at my place, and then she had to leave because she had other plans. It was all very casual.

I might have been too accommodating, and slightly approval seeking, but it's hard for me to tell. I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted to go do X, rather than just saying, "Here's what we're doing". I don't think I did or even tried anything to generate attraction either, but I think it's too soon for that. I mostly kept things platonic, like two old friends catching up.

At one point she was complaining about a friend of hers, and got very pissy for a second, and after that she had a hard time coming up with conversation for a little while. She just sort of stared off with an upset expression on her face. I think it might have been a manifestation of some of the discomfort she felt meeting up with me. Not only me, but being back here in town, which brings up a lot of the negative feelings that forced her to move away in the first place. I'm afraid I probably reacted to this too much in my body language, and asking her a couple of times if she was okay.

I was also able to show off how ambitious I had become, but talking about all the great stuff that was happening/going to happen in my life made her feel defensive at one point. I also think I did a good job of emphasizing the fact that our lives were headed in very separate directions, which they are for now.

I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I had to do most of the talking, and I ended up talking a lot about myself, and she didn't offer up too much about what was going on in her life. Could be partly that she doesn't have much going for her, or partly because she's dating and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by brining it up, or maybe she just isn't ready to open up to me.

On the plus side, I was able to reconnect after a long silence, which was my top goal anyway. This is as slow a slow burn as it can possibly be, thanks to geography and circumstance. I sent her a holiday text today, wishing her a merry christmas, and also telling her I considered her "[B]one of[/B] my good friends," to emphasize the platonic part. From here on out, I think I should go back into radio silence mode for a few months, especially now that I know I can contact here whenever I want, however I want.

Thoughts? Advice?

p.s.

After the meetup I went out with a friend to some bar and got completely shit-faced. I ended up heavily making out/fingering some random girl. We bounced to another bar where my ex was leaving as we were coming in, but I don't know if she noticed that me and this girl were together.

[Guest]

Update: her reply to my text, many hours later on christmas:
Merry Christmas! It was good to see you :)

In my overanalyzing brain, I took this as a way of her trying to say that though she was still in town (she's leaving today), she's held up her end of bargain in politely acknowledging me, and would rather not see me anymore while she's here for whatever reason.

I think the best course of action is to not contact her for a very long time. At least until I'm in a more emotionally powerful state.

[Guest]

Yes you are overanalyzing! You are sounding like a chic! :D We all do it at some point.

You said you didn't try to generate attraction............well you always want to be generating attraction. Attraction can be created by bringing emotions to the surface. The guys that are good with women are good at eliciting emotions from them. Its really what its all about.

Just make sure it is properly calibrated for the individual and where you are at in the relationship.

Sounds like this chic has some drama going on in her life, probably with some guy.