advice needed

[ninjamatt]

couldn't of said it better myself Harry

[warya]

first off, thanks alot guys for all your input.

A quick update:
We recently went out for lunch and kept it light and funny. During it, she got 2 calls and immediately picked up. I proceeded to ask for the bill and asked what the rush is. I told her i don’t do lunch with people that answer calls. She apologized and said it was her soon to be ex-husband who is like a jealous child and kept calling after she found out she was out with someone. She supposedly told him all about me and what a great guy i am etc and proceeded to say: “one of these days he will come out saying we slept together in court.” I laughed it off but didnt know how to read into it. She insisted on paying and said she owes me another lunch

i have casually asked her to grab dinner or a drink twice and she always uses the kid as an excuse. never the less she always jumps at the chance to invite me for lunch or dinner outside the office during working hours alone and constantly compliments me on my dress sense etc.

how should i approach this? i have cooled off on our contact and turned down a few lunches as i have other options but would like a strategy that can keep this option open.

[ninjamatt]

first off, thanks alot guys for all your input.

A quick update:
We recently went out for lunch and kept it light and funny. During it, she got 2 calls and immediately picked up. I proceeded to ask for the bill and asked what the rush is. I told her i don’t do lunch with people that answer calls. She apologized and said it was her soon to be ex-husband who is like a jealous child and kept calling after she found out she was out with someone. She supposedly told him all about me and what a great guy i am etc and proceeded to say: “one of these days he will come out saying we slept together in court.” I laughed it off but didnt know how to read into it. She insisted on paying and said she owes me another lunch

i have casually asked her to grab dinner or a drink twice and she always uses the kid as an excuse. never the less she always jumps at the chance to invite me for lunch or dinner outside the office during working hours alone and constantly compliments me on my dress sense etc.

how should i approach this? i have cooled off on our contact and turned down a few lunches as i have other options but would like a strategy that can keep this option open.

A lot of this type of stuff is you portraying 2 personalities. when she said it was her soon to be ex husband you could of said a lot of things , but how you say it is most important. I would have said something like "oh are ya'll still in love" But when I do a question like that, I make different facial movements like; 1. I might be joking and not care, 2. act like I am interested and really care, all within a couple seconds. turning her down some is probably smart but keep in mind, I don't know the entire situation.

I think you need to do what Harry said

[Triumvirate]

Get more girls.

Guys who are consistently meeting and attracting women outside of work, don't look into every single bit of minutiae with some chick from work. Let alone a woman who is still married and has kids.

[ninjamatt]

triumvirate is 100% correct. If the kids are by the ex, there is a decent chance they are going to get back together especially if he is military. I think military may encourage and have incentive for broken couple's with kids but i'm not sure. If it's a high school or college sweet heart situation, you need to try a different tactic while you have her.

[fasol26]

Wether she say's yes or no really depends on one thing and that's "Value"

What's the easiest way to gain value? and I mean real value?

Answer: Caring the least

In any relationship friend,coworker,girlfriend etc the one who care's the least has the most power. When you are talking to this girl "Care, but not that much"