Building Comfort 101

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Fuzz;38734]I think of myself, perhaps, as a shy person. I was definitely that for a while, up until a little bit before I joined the community. The thing is I do a lot of things that betray this shyness. I'm very social, I have the ability to meet new people quite easy, I've had the type of jobs that require good social skills, in which shyness is a major detriment. There are other examples I can mention, but despite all that, deep down inside I consider myself introverted.

I'm fine with that on a personal level, and I've even incorporated it into my game. To reveal this when you first meet a girl, and emotions are high, and you're sort of smiling about it, it comes off as a fun little routine to generate attraction. Lately though, I find myself revealing it to women in comfort, or after having had sex. I'm wondering if this is the right thing to do. Shyness is the opposite of confidence to most people. usually the women can't believe it's true about me, which is why it's an interesting tactic to me. It's also a very real part of my personality, but I'm wondering if I'm conveying weakness by revealing this.[/QUOTE]


Once you've bedded a woman, it's usually best to show off some sort of vulnerability. It's the contrast they think is hot. If you set the frame that you're the kind of guy that does what he wants, when he wants then tokens of romance, times of vulnerability, and when you open up to her will be greatly appreached by her because she knows you mean it when you do it.

The key is to only do it when you want and, even then, only do it about half of the time you feel as if you want to do so. Sometimes, you're just going to have to suck it up and NOT be romantic or vulnerable or AFCish.

[Guest]

This is a great thread.

On a higher level, I believe the simplest way to generate comfort is to be comfortable. Nervous people make us nervous. Intense people make us tense. Comfortable people make us comfortable.

One other important thing is to not just get her feeling comfort. That's boring. You must get her to feel comfortable with you while living on the edge. She must feel comfortable enough to try something risky. That's why future adventure projections and casual conversations about sex are important. If you have benign conversations about safe topics, then the scope of her comfort with you will be limited. But if you talk about going sky diving together, then she'll begin to feel safe with you in a wider range of situations. Bring up sex in a nonchallant way. BR covered this above, but I wanted to relate it to the concept of being safe and comfortable while living on the edge.

As an example, here's a routine I do in which I am nonchallant about sex.
Rhody: Are you competitive?
HB: blah blah blah. How about you? Are you competitive?
Rhody: I'm more competitive with myself than with other people. I want to win, but I'm more concerned that I did my best. I mean, if you beat me at something I won't get all upset and make you sleep outside.
HB: Oh no?
Rhody: Nah... I'll let you sleep on the floor.

The above isn't overtly sexual, but it presumes that we are sleeping together and that not sleeping with me is a punishment for her. Presuming that you and she will have a sexual relationship together and being nonchallant about it will allow her to accept it too.

Another aspect of pickup that relates to comfort is taking away her objections by voicing them first. For example, I'll often ask a girl, "can I trust you?" Another way to do that is to say something like, "you know, sometimes I'm skeptical of people, but I feel comfortable with you because you seem genuine." This removes that doubt from her own mind and indirectly rewards her for letting her guard down.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Bull Run;38730]The best way to answer this question is with a question. Go see a stand up comedian perform. How does that person make you feel after they're done with their set? [/QUOTE]

Stand up is awesome when your at a loss for words. If you can dvr stand up shows on comedy central and tosh.0 and it will start to sink in after awhile. I was down in SA @ the hardrock near the riverwalk and 4 girls there for the DOD convention came, sat next to me ordered patron shots and offered me one (one next to me opened w/me with "wow thats a big watch"). Someone started talking about their flight and airport security and I worked off a routine I saw two nights before all about the fact they still have signs that say "no bombs, guns, or knives allowed on airplanes or past this point". It led to more shots and making fun of the terrorist who still uses the bowling ball shaped bomb with the lit fuse the kind still pictured on airport signs. I bet all his terrorist friends make fun of him, hey Habib good luck with that, what are you gonna do throw it in an airport "oh no he took out an entire drinking fountain oh the horror."