I was really bummed for a while when I was working in Austin. I got on "meet-up" and went to a "social anxiety" support group. I quickly learned how good I have it, and I internalized the experience to realize that I was doing a disservice to myself and fellow man and woman by not pursuing women agressively.
"Avoidant personality disorder" reads just like approach anxiety. You may want toread up on that to because I have similar symptoms that can cripple me at times.
When I have extreme AA I go to a bar I've never visited, and I genuinely talk to men and women and try to make friends with them, and hold no intention of anything else. Over the years I've learned that I have to take baby steps in approaching women because I don't recover well from rejection. I hope this helps.
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
opening and approch anxiety i have to get on top of this.
30 posts
• Page 2 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
by Guest » Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:45 am
[QUOTE=Neuromancer;33499]crap, no treatment[/QUOTE]
bullshit. If you're looking for a pill, well, I don't think that will fix anyone.
I think AA can be paralleled to one thing which I feel I do well, driving a racecar on the roadcourse. There are some drivers who go out on the track and have big "offs" all day, those scare the shit out of me. I went off a couple weeks ago at about 85mph thorough the mud and I had the shakes when i got out of the car, it was bad. I take little steps so that when I step over the line, its not disastrous and it doesn't scare or hurt me. This is a big deal when we're talking about sutaining 1.3+ lateral G's in 5th gear at MSR in "big bend." I've seen $300k porsches roll 9-fucking times because they went in too hot and I'm fairly certain that off forever changed them. Sure, I may not have been the fastest guy on the track my first time out, but after 100+ hours of seat time, I'm pretty fucking good at going fast around a racetrack, and I've had a lot of fun doing it. I press my comfort zone several times, each time I go out, each lap. However I take small enough steps that its not catastrophic to the equipment or my heart when I step over the line.
When I approach a woman, I find something benign to open with, where she can't tear me down or so I don't feel like a moron. Play it safe, find an opener that may not win you the respect of 100% of this lair, but a way to get in a conversation that works for you. You don't have to close 100%, every time, so make it up to yourself that not f-closing every set is acceptable especially if you can learn something or intellectually grow from it.
I can spent about 2-sessions at Texas World Speedway in turn #1 where I went from entering that corner at 70mph up to 130+mph. I never went off track, never wadded my car up in the wall, and never hurt my pride because with each lap I went a little hotter each time until I posted "fastest time of day/FTD." So when I'm looking for women I don't start with the hottest girl in the place, and I don't start with the goal of F-closing. I start with something benign, and work my way into it, reinforcing the fundementals that I learned last time and building upon them with little steps. Take very basic, small goals, as miniscule and simple as you like, and build on them and you'll get out of the AA paralyzation. I fight it every day, and although this "game" may never come naturally to me, I can still win enough to carry my pride and put a smile on my face.
bullshit. If you're looking for a pill, well, I don't think that will fix anyone.
I think AA can be paralleled to one thing which I feel I do well, driving a racecar on the roadcourse. There are some drivers who go out on the track and have big "offs" all day, those scare the shit out of me. I went off a couple weeks ago at about 85mph thorough the mud and I had the shakes when i got out of the car, it was bad. I take little steps so that when I step over the line, its not disastrous and it doesn't scare or hurt me. This is a big deal when we're talking about sutaining 1.3+ lateral G's in 5th gear at MSR in "big bend." I've seen $300k porsches roll 9-fucking times because they went in too hot and I'm fairly certain that off forever changed them. Sure, I may not have been the fastest guy on the track my first time out, but after 100+ hours of seat time, I'm pretty fucking good at going fast around a racetrack, and I've had a lot of fun doing it. I press my comfort zone several times, each time I go out, each lap. However I take small enough steps that its not catastrophic to the equipment or my heart when I step over the line.
When I approach a woman, I find something benign to open with, where she can't tear me down or so I don't feel like a moron. Play it safe, find an opener that may not win you the respect of 100% of this lair, but a way to get in a conversation that works for you. You don't have to close 100%, every time, so make it up to yourself that not f-closing every set is acceptable especially if you can learn something or intellectually grow from it.
I can spent about 2-sessions at Texas World Speedway in turn #1 where I went from entering that corner at 70mph up to 130+mph. I never went off track, never wadded my car up in the wall, and never hurt my pride because with each lap I went a little hotter each time until I posted "fastest time of day/FTD." So when I'm looking for women I don't start with the hottest girl in the place, and I don't start with the goal of F-closing. I start with something benign, and work my way into it, reinforcing the fundementals that I learned last time and building upon them with little steps. Take very basic, small goals, as miniscule and simple as you like, and build on them and you'll get out of the AA paralyzation. I fight it every day, and although this "game" may never come naturally to me, I can still win enough to carry my pride and put a smile on my face.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Oct 30, 2009 2:52 am
look at it this way, no fat chicks because you think your people will look down on you and reject you because of it, no hot chicks because they will shoot you down and you just can't handle that anymore. Actually getting rejected by fat chicks would be even worse. It's not rational but then again that is the issue, irrational fear.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:55 am
[QUOTE=Neuromancer;33501]look at it this way, no fat chicks because you think your people will look down on you and reject you because of it, no hot chicks because they will shoot you down and you just can't handle that anymore. Actually getting rejected by fat chicks would be even worse. It's not rational but then again that is the issue, irrational fear.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.[/QUOTE]
I call BULLSHIT on this one brother. Self esteem can be improved.
Without going into specifics, I had an emotionally and physically abusive father. Who, in secret, berated me and belittled me and generally made me feel like shit. For most of my youth, I genuinely believed that I was a piece of shit.
To cope I turned to food and got fat, still am a little bit. My understanding is that I ate to comfort myself but I also got fat as a way of keeping people from getting close to me. It literally became a suit of armor. It prevented me from getting close enough to anyone to allow them to really hurt me. The sad irony of this is that I wanted to be close to people, we all do, but I didn't want them close out of fear that they would treat me like my father.
As a result, I was very anti-social with my peers. I pretty much had zero friends from the ages of 13 to 18. That's a long time to not have friends. As most fat kids, I was ridiculed and made fun of by my peers and generally felt like crap just like my father made me feel. So, I spent a lot of time alone.
I didn't have sports or hobbies or friends so I turned to my studies. I was a great student and it provided me with some basic level of self esteem. My classmates had no problem cheating off of me, but when it came time for me to sit with them at lunch I was worthless.
When I was 16, I met a girl (she was 6 years older, married, my boss at the toy store I worked at, and relatively hot). During my time with her, she infused me with a bunch of self esteem. It was artificial but still it was self esteem. I became more social the last year of high school and actually spent the year having FRIENDS.
I went off to college, on scholarship. There I continued to excel in my studies. About 6 months into my time there, the older woman I had been seeing for the last few years broke it off with me. I continued getting fatter and fatter and she was no longer attracted to me and she decided to focus 100% on her husband. Ouch. I completely regressed. Then, I turned to alcohol.
Most of you guys know that I like to drink. But, there was a period of time when I was literally an alcoholic. I would drink all day, every day. I didn't fall asleep, I passed out. Then I woke up and did it all over again. There was no one close enough to me to notice and family wasn't always around (they never suspected) so I never got caught.
I proceeded to do this for the rest of my time in college. The day I graduated, with honors, I saw my father again for the first time in like 6 years. Again, he made me feel so small and pathetic. The day after my graduation I had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital on suicide watch for 10 days.
When I left I was sober, I did go through withdrawals the first 3 days I was there, but heavily medicated on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. I spent the next 6 months on these meds that made me feel nothing. I felt like a zombie. So, I stopped taking them. I went cold turkey. I needed to put my life back together and I did it the only way I knew how: academics and food.
I went to grad school and got my MBA, while there I got fatter. I had some girlfriends, but I had to resort to meeting them online. I had to build uber amounts of comfort with women before I could see them in person, because I felt so self-conscious. These women were usually NOT quality, and if they were quality I would dump them before they could dump me. My thinking was that someone's going to get hurt, someone always does, and it's not going to be me.
I was still very unhappy and had very little confidence outside of the classroom. At that time, I weighted in at 285+ pounds on a 5'11" frame. Not good. So, I decided I hated being alone and hated being me. I proceeded to shed a shit ton of weight over the next year, approximately 100 pounds.
BAM!!! My self-esteem went through the roof. I started making friends, I started dating higher quality women. I no longer was afraid to be close to someone. I no longer thought of myself as inadequate.
I wanted to increase my self-esteem with women even more so I decided to enter the community. BAM!!! I'm more comfortable around attractive women. I don't always change my behavior from when I was a fat kid, but they don't scare me like they used to because I know my life isn't tied up in what they think of me.
Self-esteem and confidence, if not properly instilled in you at a young age, can be created through life experiences and accomplishments. My education, my weight loss, the way I changed my thinking from worrying about what others want to what I want, and the Game have all acted as sources of pride and esteem. If you don't have self esteem as a direct result of the successes you've confronted in the Game, then I would argue that you have underlying, fundamental problems with yourself. The Game is really only useful, and dangerous, when you have all the other pieces of your life in place. Esteem and security is the foundation upon which you built Game. If it isn't built on a solid foundation, read well rounded life, then it will crumble and you will feel lost. (Interestingly enough, I think it's possible to build your foundation at the same time you're learning Game...I've seen it done a lot so I know it's possible).
There was a time once when I never used to worry about what to do with my life because I knew I could do nothing. Now, I look at my life and am frozen, at times, by all of the possibilities that I have because now I genuinely believe I can do just about anything. Everyday, I think to myself that I need to continue to be better, to grow. To make my loved ones proud, to make myself proud, and to prove to myself that I'm not the lonely fat kid that would loose himself in a bottle of whiskey.
No one helped me. I got no helping hand. I just grabbed myself by the bootstraps and pulled myself up. If you want to create some esteem, tear yourself down and find those things that you despise about yourself. Make a list of what you want to change and how you're going to do it. Then, get to work. Remain vigilant and keep working. You may not feel like you're not making any progress, but the funny thing about change is that it's so subtle, so stealthy that you don't know you've changed until you have.
Esteem can be destroyed, therefore it holds that it can also be created. It's up to you which you allow.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.[/QUOTE]
I call BULLSHIT on this one brother. Self esteem can be improved.
Without going into specifics, I had an emotionally and physically abusive father. Who, in secret, berated me and belittled me and generally made me feel like shit. For most of my youth, I genuinely believed that I was a piece of shit.
To cope I turned to food and got fat, still am a little bit. My understanding is that I ate to comfort myself but I also got fat as a way of keeping people from getting close to me. It literally became a suit of armor. It prevented me from getting close enough to anyone to allow them to really hurt me. The sad irony of this is that I wanted to be close to people, we all do, but I didn't want them close out of fear that they would treat me like my father.
As a result, I was very anti-social with my peers. I pretty much had zero friends from the ages of 13 to 18. That's a long time to not have friends. As most fat kids, I was ridiculed and made fun of by my peers and generally felt like crap just like my father made me feel. So, I spent a lot of time alone.
I didn't have sports or hobbies or friends so I turned to my studies. I was a great student and it provided me with some basic level of self esteem. My classmates had no problem cheating off of me, but when it came time for me to sit with them at lunch I was worthless.
When I was 16, I met a girl (she was 6 years older, married, my boss at the toy store I worked at, and relatively hot). During my time with her, she infused me with a bunch of self esteem. It was artificial but still it was self esteem. I became more social the last year of high school and actually spent the year having FRIENDS.
I went off to college, on scholarship. There I continued to excel in my studies. About 6 months into my time there, the older woman I had been seeing for the last few years broke it off with me. I continued getting fatter and fatter and she was no longer attracted to me and she decided to focus 100% on her husband. Ouch. I completely regressed. Then, I turned to alcohol.
Most of you guys know that I like to drink. But, there was a period of time when I was literally an alcoholic. I would drink all day, every day. I didn't fall asleep, I passed out. Then I woke up and did it all over again. There was no one close enough to me to notice and family wasn't always around (they never suspected) so I never got caught.
I proceeded to do this for the rest of my time in college. The day I graduated, with honors, I saw my father again for the first time in like 6 years. Again, he made me feel so small and pathetic. The day after my graduation I had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital on suicide watch for 10 days.
When I left I was sober, I did go through withdrawals the first 3 days I was there, but heavily medicated on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. I spent the next 6 months on these meds that made me feel nothing. I felt like a zombie. So, I stopped taking them. I went cold turkey. I needed to put my life back together and I did it the only way I knew how: academics and food.
I went to grad school and got my MBA, while there I got fatter. I had some girlfriends, but I had to resort to meeting them online. I had to build uber amounts of comfort with women before I could see them in person, because I felt so self-conscious. These women were usually NOT quality, and if they were quality I would dump them before they could dump me. My thinking was that someone's going to get hurt, someone always does, and it's not going to be me.
I was still very unhappy and had very little confidence outside of the classroom. At that time, I weighted in at 285+ pounds on a 5'11" frame. Not good. So, I decided I hated being alone and hated being me. I proceeded to shed a shit ton of weight over the next year, approximately 100 pounds.
BAM!!! My self-esteem went through the roof. I started making friends, I started dating higher quality women. I no longer was afraid to be close to someone. I no longer thought of myself as inadequate.
I wanted to increase my self-esteem with women even more so I decided to enter the community. BAM!!! I'm more comfortable around attractive women. I don't always change my behavior from when I was a fat kid, but they don't scare me like they used to because I know my life isn't tied up in what they think of me.
Self-esteem and confidence, if not properly instilled in you at a young age, can be created through life experiences and accomplishments. My education, my weight loss, the way I changed my thinking from worrying about what others want to what I want, and the Game have all acted as sources of pride and esteem. If you don't have self esteem as a direct result of the successes you've confronted in the Game, then I would argue that you have underlying, fundamental problems with yourself. The Game is really only useful, and dangerous, when you have all the other pieces of your life in place. Esteem and security is the foundation upon which you built Game. If it isn't built on a solid foundation, read well rounded life, then it will crumble and you will feel lost. (Interestingly enough, I think it's possible to build your foundation at the same time you're learning Game...I've seen it done a lot so I know it's possible).
There was a time once when I never used to worry about what to do with my life because I knew I could do nothing. Now, I look at my life and am frozen, at times, by all of the possibilities that I have because now I genuinely believe I can do just about anything. Everyday, I think to myself that I need to continue to be better, to grow. To make my loved ones proud, to make myself proud, and to prove to myself that I'm not the lonely fat kid that would loose himself in a bottle of whiskey.
No one helped me. I got no helping hand. I just grabbed myself by the bootstraps and pulled myself up. If you want to create some esteem, tear yourself down and find those things that you despise about yourself. Make a list of what you want to change and how you're going to do it. Then, get to work. Remain vigilant and keep working. You may not feel like you're not making any progress, but the funny thing about change is that it's so subtle, so stealthy that you don't know you've changed until you have.
Esteem can be destroyed, therefore it holds that it can also be created. It's up to you which you allow.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:04 pm
[QUOTE=Neuromancer;33501]look at it this way, no fat chicks because you think your people will look down on you and reject you because of it, no hot chicks because they will shoot you down and you just can't handle that anymore. Actually getting rejected by fat chicks would be even worse. It's not rational but then again that is the issue, irrational fear.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.[/QUOTE]
Lol this reminds me of my first psychology class diagnosing myself and others with all kinds of shit. The truth is is that we all have different disorders. I think the statement that you will battle with it your entire life is really looking at it the wrong way. I disagree that a psychologist/counselor could not help.
1. they could possibly tell you that you have bullshit diagnosed yourself
2. they can help you analyze your situation and the things that cause you to feel the way you do.
3. they are much better than most advice off of the street because most the techniques they used are actually backed by clinical studies rather than just a random person's experience.
There are alot more ways they could help, but I think mainly your perspective is really hurting you. Look into cognitive behavior therapy for a scientific approach to helping with that.
Science aside bull run said some very good things that I wish I would have known earlier on.
When I said, no treatment, I didn't mean a pill, pills don't work anyway. When I said no treatment, I mean that unlike most self esteem issues, this specific one doesn't have any trigger adjustments. there is no thing you can change to improve self esteem. It's something you will battle your whole life. That's just the cursory research I have done on the interwebs.
Furthermore, I'm not saying poor me either, I haven't been diagnosed with it or anything. I just sounds like me. It also won't do me any good to get an official diagnosis either since they can't do anything about it. From what I read, doing what I'm doing right now is what they would tell me to do anyway.[/QUOTE]
Lol this reminds me of my first psychology class diagnosing myself and others with all kinds of shit. The truth is is that we all have different disorders. I think the statement that you will battle with it your entire life is really looking at it the wrong way. I disagree that a psychologist/counselor could not help.
1. they could possibly tell you that you have bullshit diagnosed yourself
2. they can help you analyze your situation and the things that cause you to feel the way you do.
3. they are much better than most advice off of the street because most the techniques they used are actually backed by clinical studies rather than just a random person's experience.
There are alot more ways they could help, but I think mainly your perspective is really hurting you. Look into cognitive behavior therapy for a scientific approach to helping with that.
Science aside bull run said some very good things that I wish I would have known earlier on.
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:56 pm
[QUOTE=Bull Run;33502]I call BULLSHIT on this one brother. Self esteem can be improved.
Self-esteem and confidence, if not properly instilled in you at a young age, can be created through life experiences and accomplishments. [/QUOTE]
So then is having accomplishments (in the general term of life, not just pickup) the way to raise your self esteem? What if it seems like one doesn't have a great deal of accomplishments?
Self-esteem and confidence, if not properly instilled in you at a young age, can be created through life experiences and accomplishments. [/QUOTE]
So then is having accomplishments (in the general term of life, not just pickup) the way to raise your self esteem? What if it seems like one doesn't have a great deal of accomplishments?
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:43 pm
[QUOTE=Just/Us;33515]So then is having accomplishments (in the general term of life, not just pickup) the way to raise your self esteem? What if it seems like one doesn't have a great deal of accomplishments?[/QUOTE]
Just/Us, I know I've always seemed like an asshole to you. But, that's only because we think totally differently. I firmly believe that as you succeed you gain momentum, and as you fail you lose momentum. It's like financial leverage (debt) when it works in your favor it's awesome, when it doesn't it's the pits. Think of it like this...
Life is just one big game. You can determine the rules and what gives you 'points,' which can be anything...money, women, friends, career, education, etc. How many times have you watched a football (or insert whatever sport you wish) and seen a team that was behind make ONE SINGLE play that turned it all around? That ONE SINGLE play shifted the momentum to the side of the losing team and they feed off of it...soon came successful play after successful play. It works the opposite way as well. But, the dynamic is REAL.
Think about sarging. The FIRST set tends to dictate the entire NIGHT. That's how sensitive people are to the world. Whether we like it or not.
So, back to your question. Yes, I do believe that accomplishments and experiences can fuel esteem. When you succeed, it emboldens you and it pushes you do things that you might not have done otherwise. The taste of success is too sweet to be ignored, the taste of failure is too sour to be forgotten.
If you don't have many accomplishments and still lack esteem, then guess what? The answer is simple. Go out into the world and stake your claim. Make a move my friend. Do something. Accomplish something, anything.
It's funny, but I think that many men that get into the Community get into it because they think that if they could just be good with women then the rest of their life's pieces will fall into place. I understand where they get this thought from. Getting women to like you, it just seems so simple and obvious. It's nature right? Now, starting a business, finishing you education, building a career, scuplting the body you've always wanted. These things seem so difficult.
The sad truth that many of us learn is that the aforementioned way of thinking is completely and totally backwards. You're never really going to be better with women until you become a better MAN. Fool yourself all you want, but what women really want, what they're really attracted to, are MEN that have grabbed the world by the horns and wrestled it into submission. We speak of naturals. Well, naturals don't think of women because they are too busy wrestling with the world. Women are a second thought, just as they should be.
Many of us are doing this backwards. That's the harsh truth. I coined the term Marlboro Man. A Marlboro Man is a man that has no substance but uses fancy marketing and tactics to get others to be attracted to them, to 'buy' them. Our hope is that they'll become addicted, but eventually everyone resents that they're with them. Just like cigarettes. Cancer sticks that are sold in shiny packaging. They lack substance.
The RIGHT way to do this, in my opinion, is to start with substance and then learn to market those traits to the world.
To answer your second question, more bluntly, I leave you with something that you would expect coming from the Bull: If you don't have a great deal of accomplishments then go get them. It really is that simple, and that difficult.
Remember, my friend, that every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.
Just/Us, I know I've always seemed like an asshole to you. But, that's only because we think totally differently. I firmly believe that as you succeed you gain momentum, and as you fail you lose momentum. It's like financial leverage (debt) when it works in your favor it's awesome, when it doesn't it's the pits. Think of it like this...
Life is just one big game. You can determine the rules and what gives you 'points,' which can be anything...money, women, friends, career, education, etc. How many times have you watched a football (or insert whatever sport you wish) and seen a team that was behind make ONE SINGLE play that turned it all around? That ONE SINGLE play shifted the momentum to the side of the losing team and they feed off of it...soon came successful play after successful play. It works the opposite way as well. But, the dynamic is REAL.
Think about sarging. The FIRST set tends to dictate the entire NIGHT. That's how sensitive people are to the world. Whether we like it or not.
So, back to your question. Yes, I do believe that accomplishments and experiences can fuel esteem. When you succeed, it emboldens you and it pushes you do things that you might not have done otherwise. The taste of success is too sweet to be ignored, the taste of failure is too sour to be forgotten.
If you don't have many accomplishments and still lack esteem, then guess what? The answer is simple. Go out into the world and stake your claim. Make a move my friend. Do something. Accomplish something, anything.
It's funny, but I think that many men that get into the Community get into it because they think that if they could just be good with women then the rest of their life's pieces will fall into place. I understand where they get this thought from. Getting women to like you, it just seems so simple and obvious. It's nature right? Now, starting a business, finishing you education, building a career, scuplting the body you've always wanted. These things seem so difficult.
The sad truth that many of us learn is that the aforementioned way of thinking is completely and totally backwards. You're never really going to be better with women until you become a better MAN. Fool yourself all you want, but what women really want, what they're really attracted to, are MEN that have grabbed the world by the horns and wrestled it into submission. We speak of naturals. Well, naturals don't think of women because they are too busy wrestling with the world. Women are a second thought, just as they should be.
Many of us are doing this backwards. That's the harsh truth. I coined the term Marlboro Man. A Marlboro Man is a man that has no substance but uses fancy marketing and tactics to get others to be attracted to them, to 'buy' them. Our hope is that they'll become addicted, but eventually everyone resents that they're with them. Just like cigarettes. Cancer sticks that are sold in shiny packaging. They lack substance.
The RIGHT way to do this, in my opinion, is to start with substance and then learn to market those traits to the world.
To answer your second question, more bluntly, I leave you with something that you would expect coming from the Bull: If you don't have a great deal of accomplishments then go get them. It really is that simple, and that difficult.
Remember, my friend, that every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:38 am
[QUOTE=Just/Us;33515]So then is having accomplishments (in the general term of life, not just pickup) the way to raise your self esteem? What if it seems like one doesn't have a great deal of accomplishments?[/QUOTE]
Well my post won't be nearly as eloquent as BR's but I will do my best.
I think everyone defines an accomplishment different, however everyone defines certain things as accomplishments.
For example lets say I graduated college. Many maybe even everyone would define that as an accomplishment.
Lets say that I had a fear of flying and I got on a plane. Some would think of this as an accomplishment while others would think nothing of it.
What you need to figure out is what do you define as an accomplishment. Just because you haven't graduated from college doesn't mean going to school and working towards that degree is any less of an accomplishment.
To answer your question does having accomplishments raise your self esteem? Well for me the answer is yes. And unfortunately even more so is how well am I doing financially. My confidence can be directly pegged to this figure. It is very sad. It always has been though and until I am rolling in 7 figures I have a feeling it always will be. This is a very sad existence that I don't recommend to anyone.
I do think that you can change your self esteem levels with either learning to pick up women or getting those accomplishments in life. I know I would take the route of getting my shit together and then getting women but I think it can be done in the opposite manner as well. I could see a guy getting really good at getting women and parlaying that confidence into other facets of his life.
Well my post won't be nearly as eloquent as BR's but I will do my best.
I think everyone defines an accomplishment different, however everyone defines certain things as accomplishments.
For example lets say I graduated college. Many maybe even everyone would define that as an accomplishment.
Lets say that I had a fear of flying and I got on a plane. Some would think of this as an accomplishment while others would think nothing of it.
What you need to figure out is what do you define as an accomplishment. Just because you haven't graduated from college doesn't mean going to school and working towards that degree is any less of an accomplishment.
To answer your question does having accomplishments raise your self esteem? Well for me the answer is yes. And unfortunately even more so is how well am I doing financially. My confidence can be directly pegged to this figure. It is very sad. It always has been though and until I am rolling in 7 figures I have a feeling it always will be. This is a very sad existence that I don't recommend to anyone.
I do think that you can change your self esteem levels with either learning to pick up women or getting those accomplishments in life. I know I would take the route of getting my shit together and then getting women but I think it can be done in the opposite manner as well. I could see a guy getting really good at getting women and parlaying that confidence into other facets of his life.
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