Tired of being invisible

[Guest]

Every situation is unique, and I don't know Muk so I could have been totally wrong.......but probably not.

The difference between me now and me before I came here isn't really my personality; it's my confidence and understanding of social situations and pussy-hunting.
While I have, no doubt, gone through major changes in my time here...the fact is they're only major from a result-oriented point of view. The internal stuff was just a minor shift or adjustment here or there. I still have changes I want to make....but I can guarantee you I'll still be the same guy with the same interests and hobbies as I am now.

I went through a couple of months at first where I really just turned into a big asshole to a few of my old friends. That happened because I thought of myself as someone totally different than who I used to be.

I've since moved away from that crap and I just went back to being myself...except with alot more confidence and sociability than before. I can tell that several of my friends enjoy being around me more now, and I've even had some say it to me straight-up.

I'll admit I've always had a pretty strong self-mentality and a fairly good amount of self-control and awareness with regard to adjusting habits and thought-processes.
Regardless, I still believe its best to start with yourself, and MOVE where you want to go.
Figure out along the way if you like the direction you're headed or if you see something better elsewhere.

[Guest]

yeah, FrogPrince, I did think about that. but really...the only reason I made that post was to make myself accountable. I put it there so that I can have in mind "they know that I'm going to be this way, so there's no surprises, and because of that, there's no reason to hold back. I don't think that I could really let loose like I need to, otherwise...

[Guest]

I'll never give up anything that I like or pretend to be someone that I'm not in some attempt to be cool. That's not what I meant by that. when I see you guys, it'll most likely be in night game. What part of me should I highlight, and how should I go about doing it? instead of being quiet and safe, I'll just say/do the first thing that comes to mind...and well...the first thing that comes to mind isn't always the best thing. but at least by doing this, I'll learn how to be my more awesome self more often than not

[Guest]

Unless the first thing that comes to mind is to stab someone in the chest and play with their blood, I think you'll be okay. You've been out with us enough to notice how everyone else pretty much does and says what they want within certain social boundaries...so bring it.

[Guest]

Btw Muk I think this break down is a good thing.. The biggest positive changes in my life seems to occur at points like these..

Alphamo..
"I went through a couple of months at first where I really just turned into a big asshole to a few of my old friends. That happened because I thought of myself as someone totally different than who I used to be."

I think this is important because in a sense you did destroy or caused chaos to the old you.. You gained perspective by this change.. This possibly allowed you to reorganize at higher levels of awareness and functioning.

[Guest]

Piranha,

"Btw frogprince I would be very interested in learning what the book suggest .. regarding changing those social issues.. "

In a nutshell, the book suggests that you stop being so unfairly critical of yourself all the time. Stop re-living old "failures" in your mind. It teaches some methods to be able to recognize it when you do that and how to cut it out. It tries to make you understand that one's social success doesn't really depend on minimizing saying stupid things, or things that are offensive, etc.. On the contrary, it points out, socially successful people cross boundaries quite often, but people still want to be friends with them, and want them around. The difference is such people somehow don't dwell on the mistakes they made by having recurring thoughts about what a failure they are, and by being overly cautious in future interactions because of it, which results in not being yourself, and a vicious cycle starts. It gives you tips on learning how to not give a shit.

It questions the assumptions anxious people make to unfairly beat down on themselves (like "this person I met the other day seems to be avoiding me, or pretending to not see me, so I must not have made a good impression. I'm a social failure, blah blah" when the person may not even have seen them).

Also, it recommends leaving your comfort zone (i.e. "the safety behaviors") and pay attention in an outward manner to the details in a social interaction to learn what the real social boundaries are. It points out that, by engaging in safety behaviors, you rob yourself the possibility of exploring these boundaries. So far so good...

[Guest]

Just out of curiosity Muk, how does you regular interaction wtih a woman, at a bar or a club, go? Give me an example or two that you remmember best. I remmember hanging out with you at Sherlocks 7 months ago. I do not remmember you having a problem with not having a presense.

[Guest]

I like that saying "energy can only be transferred"

If you come in with low energy one might not pay much attention to you. I would say picture yourself as a light bulb. If you’re too low when you come into a set then you might not be noticed, but put too much energy the light bulb and it might explode. What happens when a light bulb explodes? You get scared because the shocking explosion came out of no where, then after the mishap, you’re annoyed because you have to fix the fuckin thing.

I personally have figured out that if you go anywhere with positive high energy, you will do fine with getting ones attention. I admit it can be a little uncomfortable at first to always enter a venue or party saying "hi" to everyone but fuck man do it now or else you’re sitting at home beating yourself up. Saying “Hey bro!” right when you see them makes you look friendly. In10city does this the best. I have seen him win the whole entire party no longer than 30 min.

Last but def not least; when talking to someone, don’t think TOO hard about what you are going to say next. If you shout out what is on your mind, you seem easy going and you dont give a fuck. When you say nothing but intelligent or great things it kind of puts it in everyone’s mind that they are at high value. When they think that they are at a higher value than you, then you get treated differently. Too be honest I don’t have any clue how this works but it does. I was taught this in a social dynamics cd by a dude named Ryan and it works. If it works.... DO IT!

I have had conversations about milk and cookies (tha bomb!) I have talked about Sesame Street, and edible underwear. The three second rule applies about what you say during a conversation too.

There are no failures only learning experiences