advice needed

[warya]

So i got an interesting situation at work: i like a co-worker but don’t know whether to ask her out or not. She is a single mother of a 3 year old and she tends to confide in me with all her issues at work and beyond. We get along well and usually hang out in common groups during work hours. I feel the interest might not be mutual and that the age gap might prove to be an obstacle. She is 35 and i am 27. the woman is a sure 9 and i wanna to seduce her. she tends to get all intimidated do it and defensive when she sees other good looking women at work. i think its a fine balance between ask her out and then dealing with the daily awkwardness if she says no.

Do you guys have any advice on how i should approach this?

[ninjamatt]

Based on what you are saying, you don't seem to have much confidence in yourself seducing her. People say "don't get your honey where you get your money". But, women tend to trust guys more who they work with rather than some random guy b/c ones they work with can be held more accountable. Also when you make a living with someone 40 hours per week there are built in attractions. There's fat ugly women I work with who know more about my life than my best friends just b/c we work together all day and it's a major comaraderie of friendships and secrets.

I don't really think you should have to ask her out. I think you should play simple mind games. Some days ignore her. Some days be sweet and friendly. Some days be more outgoing than others. Some days act kind of standoffish and borderline rude. If you have to or do not know what I mean, combine the ignore tactic with borderline rude. For instance, if she says "Hi Warya, how are you this morning?" just look away like you think she's a fat girl who pesters you and say , "alright, thanks" and keep walking as if you don't want to talk. If she does it the next day, take a different tactic. Smile and say something like "I'm good, you"? Make sure you avoid insults. If you get her to a point she's scared to talk to you b/c she thinks you are mean, smile and ask "how is your day going?" "oh good".

Remember too that women love talking about their kids. Learn her kids name and at some point in the near future ask how the kid is doing.

I like to play women like this by sending mixed signals to get in their head and you have to keep patience b/c you know you will see her the next day. Also I recommend to get other girls on your mind so this one is not your focal point. When one girl is your focal point in such a courtship it's an uphill battle.

[warya]

hi man. thanks alot for the advice but i know each other well so i dont know how well these mind games will work cause we are good colleagues and she tends to confide me in everything from her kids issues to her impeding divorce. my point is i think i am in the friend zone and that's what is affecting my game. i usually move on in the rare instances that i get into the zone. how do i know if i am in the friend's zone and how do i get out it?

i am also moving to a new department in the same organization soon too.

[Triumvirate]

Mind games...sounds like a lot of work.

Let her know that you want to see her outside of work.

Because she has a child, its a good test. If she doesn't want to, she'll use the child as an excuse. If she wants to, she'll find a sitter.

As a 27 yo single man, you should be going out and pimping it every weekend instead of relying on meeting 35 yo single mothers at work.

Hope that helps.

T

[ninjamatt]

Triumvirates advice is good too especially the kid and baby sitter stuff.

No matter how well you know each other, different personalities on different days can be effective. Women tend to get intrigued by guys when they don't know how to read them especially when the guy has qualities she's interested in which it's obvious you have. But you can't push it too far or they will think you are a basket case and they move on.

To answer your question, the way I would see if I was in the friendzone/or try to get out of the friendzone with someone I work with is to do what I said. That's if you think there's not much chance either of you are leaving the company any time soon. She will pick up on a change in your personality and wonder what's up.

If you get in over your head doing what I say and I'm not here to answer, ask triumvirate and he will answer or contact me.

[warya]

hi guys: thanks alot for the advice.

[ninjamatt]

hi man. thanks alot for the advice but i know each other well so i dont know how well these mind games will work cause we are good colleagues and she tends to confide me in everything from her kids issues to her impeding divorce. my point is i think i am in the friend zone and that's what is affecting my game. i usually move on in the rare instances that i get into the zone. how do i know if i am in the friend's zone and how do i get out it?

i am also moving to a new department in the same organization soon too.

Another Idea I have to is to create a situation where you can bring your work girl outside of work to a situation you create that will effect how she thinks.

[grimm1111]

If she's 35 and has a 3 year old, she's not a "sure 9."

Anyways, I would just ask her to grab a drink after work. No need to overcomplicate things.

[OpenCheese]

There is an older woman that I work with who is still attractive, relatively speaking. I even got the impression that she was interested for awhile. Regular compliments on my looks etc. I actively discouraged it though (acted like a dick a little bit, just enough to discourage interest but not enough to cause hurt feelings), because I would never have any serious interest in her and I wouldn't want to generate drama at work. I think that is pretty risky and I know plenty of people who came to regret relationships at work.

If something goes south with someone you met at a neutral location, then you just don't talk to them anymore and its fine. If it goes south with someone at work then you have to deal with that day after day for years potentially. I just don't think that risk is worth it.

[harry045]

I don't really think you should have to ask her out. I think you should play simple mind games. Some days ignore her. Some days be sweet and friendly. Some days be more outgoing than others. Some days act kind of standoffish and borderline rude. If you have to or do not know what I mean, combine the ignore tactic with borderline rude. For instance, if she says "Hi Warya, how are you this morning?" just look away like you think she's a fat girl who pesters you and say , "alright, thanks" and keep walking as if you don't want to talk. If she does it the next day, take a different tactic. Smile and say something like "I'm good, you"? Make sure you avoid insults. If you get her to a point she's scared to talk to you b/c she thinks you are mean, smile and ask "how is your day going?" "oh good".

Remember too that women love talking about their kids. Learn her kids name and at some point in the near future ask how the kid is doing.