Is it good to let girls know you are PUA

[Guest]

OK, I'm curious to hear everyone's input on this. I've for the most part been really honest with girls about the fact that i am really into pickup, even honest about going out sarging with my wings as the reason why I can't hang out that night. This really has either intrigued girls or pissed them off. One girl like said it was like hitch "she didn't know she was getting worked over by a pro". Another chick will always jokingly ask me "wait a sec is this another one of your jedi mind tricks?" before we make out (fuck).
I'll be the first to admit sometimes I don't advertise it to some of my friends that I knew before I got involved in the community. To them I'm a super social person that doesn't need help with women, but most people are a little turned off by this and don't really understand it. My wing and I are pretty well respected in the community and have become real life friends (your my boy blue) outside of pickup and it still comes up. People will be like how do you guys know each other? He usually just says "we had a few friends in common" I always go with "We met at a social dynamics lecture."
I'm cool to party with whether you have this in common with me or not so for the most part I don't really give a fuck. How open are most of you guys with non community people?

[Guest]

I use to be real open, some got pissed, which I would just reframe and fuck them anyway. (BTW my answer to the whole Jedi mind trick thing was "Yes, now shut up and kiss me." FYI) and some were intrigued.

But the intrigue is really just a disguise for suspicion and future back lashing.

My current girlfriend knows as well and her and I frequently have discussions with her over how she lets people manipulate her and she has started to fight back in little ways which makes me so proud of her.

I would say under 2 circumstances it would be remotely ok to tell them. 1) if its someone you really care about and you frame it as a way to protect them also, even then you are not garunteed that it wont backfire and eventual theyll distrust you. or 2) you have no intention of ever seeing that person again. Either way though I haven't seen any real advantages to telling them other than it could be used as a distraction tool for a different agenda you may have.

[Guest]

There was a time I would proudly tell any and every girl about my involvement in the Community. Generally, they were very intrigued by it and it did add some value to me. I've found that the Community and our tactics/theories/etc are the equivalent of chick crack. Only once or twice did it prevent me from fuck closing her...

But, I've found that if you want to pursue a meaningful relationship with a girl, it's best to just not mention it at all. Over time, as they become more comfortable with you, they will throw it in your face and will use it as a weapon against you.

Also, what happens if you meet a chick and decide to walk away from the Community? If you've told her about the Community, she's going to know that you walked away from the Community because of her...on the surface it seems flattering, but it also subcommunicates that she's so important that you're willing to throw everything away to be with her. While this may be true, it's best that she not always know it to be fact...

In short, I think it's best to just leave it alone. Some things are best left unsaid...I mean if you really are secure in your ability with women you should never have to tell her about your prowess. Instead she should be able to sense it...words are only counterproductive in that respect.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=Bull Run;32926]

Also, what happens if you meet a chick and decide to walk away from the Community? If you've told her about the Community, she's going to know that you walked away from the Community because of her...[B]on the surface it seems flattering, but it also subcommunicates that she's so important that you're willing to throw everything away to be with her. While this may be true, it's best that she not always know it to be fact.[/B]..

[/QUOTE]

im curious as to why you say this...

as a man, sometimes its best not to show emotions and feelings, but if you were with a girl and was going to marry her (or be in an extremely serious monogamous relationship), wouldnt you want her to know how you feel about her? i mean telling her i love you and showing her is entirely different.

as you said, you would subcommunicate that shes important to you, and i dont necessarily think that its such a bad thing (depends on situation). IF IN FACT you dont make her your world and do everything for her, etc.

[Guest]

I have brought this up before.

I have never understood why anyone would tell a girl that you are an aspiring PUA/PUA. This lowers your value I don't give a shit how you tell the girl. I don't care what you say and how you argue this point. Any high value girl is going to look down on your for this.

PUA: Ohh did I tell you that I had to study all sorts of material on how to meet women.
HB: HUH?
PUA: Ohh yeah before I started learning about this amazing community I couldn't talk to girls. I didn't know how to even approach them. I was a total pussy ass homo nerd dork who didn't get laid.
HB: What...what the fuck are you saying to me?
PUA: What do you mean? I am telling you about this amazing transformation and how awesome I am now that I have all these neat tricks and ploys on how to meet and attract women. Before this girls wouldn't even give me the time of day but because I know how to mind warp women I am awesome and you will sleep with me.
HB: You are a fucking homo get the fuck out of here.

Alright yes that is very harsh and probablly not exactly how it happens. But these are the thoughts in the back of her head. Even if you do end up seeing her, sleeping with her, or she becomes your GF these thoughts are in the back of her head. She will always doubt you as a man.

So in the end STFU and just keep this to yourself.

When I first joined the community the first girl I nailed I was sorta gitty because I ran good game on her and was proud of myself. I almost let it slip that I studied this shit. Then I realized wait a minute...why the fuck would I tell a girl that. It just makes me look stupid and makes her feel used.

The End.

[Guest]

Agree with PC.

There have been long discussions on this on the board in the past as well if you want to search.

At certain phases of your development, you might have a strong desire to tell them, but i think it really is just to stroke your own ego.

Just be the man who is the sum of his experiences.... One of them being the community.

[Guest]

I used to be the biggest advocate for telling a girl about my involvement in the community. At the time, it was the biggest thing in my life (all of my spare time was spent studying, all my nights out were spent with guys in the community.) I figured that since all the guys around me are in it, and are actively talking about it wherever we are, I might as well clue the girl in on what the hell we're all talking about. This was all find an dandy with most of them...as they were casual dates or friends with benefits...but the one who was more...well...it was like relationship cancer.

Many of you have met each girl I told. I basically didn't bring one around without first disclosing that tid bit of info. The last one I brought around was the 1st one out of the lot that I actually cared about.

At first, she acted as though it was alright...she asked questions, was impressed with my answers, etc. Soon after, though, it became a problem. First, I ignored her when we went out with my boys because I was forcing newer guys in to sets, giving openers, winging, etc. Then, at some point, she decided it a good idea to think back how I picked HER up and dissect that...that didn't look too good for me. She spun it to make it look like I tricked her.

Long story short, shit ended. We still talk...we still drunk text...but in the end we always fight and I get told to, "Go pick up bar sluts with my boys and our 'tactics.'"

Lesson learned.

[Guest]

It can be framed positively. If it's ever referred to as 'tactics' then you've set (or allowed) the wrong frame.

What if
I used to be fat but I worked my ass off and now I look better and I feel better about myself.
I used to work at Taco Bell, but I worked my ass off and went to college and now I make a comfortable living and own my own house.

Having been in a worse situation conveys a positive trait because the journeys you've made and the obstacles you've overcome are part of what make you who you are.

Here's a frame:
I used to be misunderstood (and quickly dismissed) by women because we didn't speak the same language. I didn't know how to communicate in a personal way without making one of us uncomfortable. I find these differences interesting and I put some energy into learning more effective communication. Not only is it interesting in its own right, but now women understand me much better.


The game has "good" frames (personal development, communication, camaraderie, respect for women) and it also has "bad" ones (manipulation, routines, using women for sex, faking personality, misogyny, and many others).

You can choose which of the frames you adopt, as for what you're looking to get out of this whole thing. You can also choose which of the frames you talk about. They don't necessarily have to be the same.

If what you're looking for from the game is shameful, then yeah don't talk about it. But there are noble elements to be found and if you care about those then you can talk about it no problem.

[Guest]

Vector, I totally agree with you with regards to good and bad frames. And, I do believe that you can successfully put forward a positive frame, or spin, on the Community and what it teaches.

But, I think women can see through that shit to what the result of being better socially means. Think of it this way. Women are taught to think that virtually everything a man does with respect to women has the end goal of getting them laid. Virtually 100% of women believe that men only truly want to have sex with them. Especially if you have just met them. Which is why telling a girl that you don't want to have sex with them early in your interaction with them works so well to diffuse her preconceived notions about what you want from her, thus allowing you to sort of 'back door' it into full on fellatio.

So, if you accept that women are wired to believe that men simply want to fuck them, then you have to understand that when she hears that you learned to no longer be awkward around women she really processes that you learned to be better with women so you could fuck more of them. It's an understandable conclusion to jump to and, frankly, is normally the right conclusion to have.

Smirks was right on when he said that once a girl learns of our journey, she begins to think about how you potentially 'picked her up.' You see, when you state that you learned to be less socially awkward with women she begins to think that she's just 'another woman' and, as such, feels objectified by the entire notion of you learning to be more socially efficient.

Forget the fact that if you never went down this path then she would NEVER have met you. Forget the fact that she's probably smitten by you precisely because you learned these things. All of that doesn't matter because she thinks that 1) you've been here before 2) she's not that special 3) you could find a replacement just as easily as you found her. And, again, all of the above are pretty much the truth...but, she doesn't need to know that. Believing something to be true and knowing it to be true are very different dynamics.

In truth, women have a desire to feel as if the above three dynamics are true with the man they're with. But, they don't want to be told that it is a fact. They want you to be subtle about it, not open about those dynamics. The truth is that by doing what we do, we already subcommunicate those dynamics to her. This is what she wants. What she doesn't want is for you to make it real by vocalizing it or providing her with 'real world' examples of your new found prowess with women.

Finally, and I think this is the real problem with telling a woman about the Community, it all comes down to self-esteem or, more precisely, lack thereof. Women are inherently insecure. Especially when it comes down to other women. Although covert and subtle, the competition that women wage on each other is, in many ways, more brutal and more fierce than that that men subject each other to. In the battle of the sexes, ours with women is exactly that...a battle. But, the fight that is waged between women is an all out war. So, throw in the idea that you learned to be less awkward around women and add to that the fierce fighting that women have with other women and you'll see that the only thing that comes of vocalizing your membership in the Community is insecurity.

I've seen it happen time and time again in my own personal relationships. Once they find out about the Community, regardless of the frame I use (and I've tried both the good and bad frames), that's when things change. The women become less trusting, more jealous, more suspicious, and much more insecure.

I've found that it's best to not mention the Community, regardless of the frame, and just let her suspect and feel the dynamics that the Community teaches us. You want your woman to think that you're a player that has chosen her. You can accomplish this without ever mentioning the Community...in fact, if you mention the Community to her you turn her frame of your relationship from you being a player that chose her to her being a fool that fell for your games.

[Guest]

What if she directly asks? Do you deny? or fess up?