Keeping relationship alive

[Guest]

[QUOTE=sooners123;37099]Thanks for the advice everyone. I've been trying to deal with this for the last week. Unfortunately, the break did make it easier to break up. I'm upset about it but I did need the closure. Anyone have any advice on turning this into a fuck buddy situation?

@Bull Run and Rhody
Your post made a lot of sense. After examining my values, I realized that I was compromising it to try to stay with her. I felt like she lost the respect that she had for me. The funny thing is that she set boundaries early on, and I was too laid back to set any. She did it by stating clearly what she did and didn't accept. I didn't...

Speaking of which, how would I be able to convey values without explicitly stating them? I realize that if loyalty is one of my traits, I can do it by being loyal. However, she isn't guaranteed to see it...[/QUOTE]

I recommend the books "Hold on to Your N.U.T.s" and "The Way of the Superior Man." They give great advice about this stuff. In fact, "Hold on to Your N.U.T.s" is primarily about this issue. Your N.U.T.s are your non-negotiable unalterable terms. The book tells you how to establish those for yourself and then to have a successful relationship (with anyone, not just women) without copromising them. It's a pretty quick read too.

[quote]@bigdprince
I agree with your post. Many of my latin friends complain of the same thing. I haven't been able to get comfortable with dominance. Any advice on that?[/quote]

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I wonder if you are not comfortable with dominance, then why target that type of woman? My opinion is that it's not healthy to learn to become a different man depending on the woman you're with. If she doesn't love the person you are, then get rid of her.

Here's a good N.U.T.:
I do not change the person I am to please a woman.

[Guest]

Well.. the dominance thing is on just being a man. The way I established that is by looking back at all my failures and successes. I then draw realistic lines and set expectations from the get go with this new woman. It goes way more in depth, but... it's easier to be dominate when you don't play games and you always do what you say your going to do. I have a policy of honesty with women. Don't agree to do something your not comfortable with or you at least compromise ( find a balance between swallowing your pride if it's small and letting her know your doing it, but don't like it ).

When you play games... some of which are prevalent through the pickup community, the only power you have is control. Control by fear or game... and that gets tested. AMOGs are able to find that crack and out shine you for other reasons. I'd much rather have control by respect, appreciation, and compliance... I think that is water tight. Then women believe you are absolutely the best guy ever and the see the difference between you and the other blokes in their past.

I tell women I do pickup... I don't have anything to hide. I tell them I don't want a relationship or I tell them if I really feel they are the one.

Scratching the surface:

When I first talk to a girl I always tell her a few key things: 1) Let's always be honest. 2) Your my new best friend and let's let no one get between that. 3) I don't whine. But, if something happens I do not like I let her know it made me feel bad and/or it's not ok... and she's been programmed to say and know it better not happen again. I do this with a little trick. When she firsts complains to me ( remember we promised honesty ) I respond by saying that I'm so sorry about making her feel bad and that I know that it isn't okay. That it won't happen again. Then I remind her about our promise for honesty and sharing. This results in very powerful leverage. Because you let her complain about little things and you complain about things that give you a leverage and monopoly with her. So then when something big comes up.. like her ex called... I lay it out. Or any of the other shit you have to watch out for with a girl.

I don't know why.. but, since I started doing this.. they always answer my calls. I get zero shit tests and I'm able to just be funny. This in my mind is dominant and manly.

David Deida, "The Way of the Superior Man" is indeed a good book.

**You also asked about making her an FB. I've got some bad news about that. If this is really broken and she is bitter.. then Latin women have this big saying about closing the door on the past and moving forward. They will freaking act like you are dead!! Especially the South/Central Americans. What you do here.. is you start being EXTREMELY HONEST... again, no games. Because if you can befriend her then there are multiple possible benefits. Just invite her over and keep it care free. Maybe have a moment of honesty. In the whole process you could find that spark and reset this whole thing. But, let go first. If the spark shows up.. lay down that policy of honesty and set your boundaries.

[Guest]

Thanks, I'll read Hold on to Your N.U.T.s and The way of the superier man.

@Rhody
It's not that I want to change who I am depending on the woman, it's just that I've always wanted that quality.

@bigdprince
Good advice. I'll have to see if the situation arises