Article - The New Pickup

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The New Pickup

Here is a problematic hidden belief of the pickup community: "all hot girls are hot." This is not true at all. Lots of visually hot girls are extremely unattractive people and when you have acquired a degree of confidence, you have to force yourself to want to have sex with them or even kiss them even when most men salivate at their image. Those men have misguided values.

Have you ever kissed a hot girl at at club and regretted it after your mouth was filled with cigarette residue? You knew you were going to taste that residue before you kissed her, but you wanted to tell yourself that you had kissed a "hot" girl that night to improve your confidence. That is the pickup community in 2009; whatever gets sexual results matters, not our standards as men that we hold for ourselves and other people.

"Qualification" imitates what naturals do for real: screen hot girls out based on whether they have values. What pickup community guys do is create an act: "I'm screening you! I'm screening you!" A lot of girls fall for it, but the well-integrated ones don't because they can tell it's a pickup act, even if they don't know exactly what is going on. Practicing qualification is acceptable to get yourself started in pickup, but instructors have missed the entire point of the process: to actually find out if the girl is worth your time. Few men in the pickup community feel the self-esteem to operate from that mindset, which is understandable. Postmodern Vanguard says you can adopt that mindset in a matter of months, without endless practice in bars and coffee shops.

There are going to be girls in a club I don't want to make out with even though I find them highly visually attractive because I only like kissing girls who have their shit together. Kiss a supermodel toad and you'll feel her psychological slime at the same time you impress the bar with your pickup "skills." You'll feel pretty cool for a while, but a part of you knows that nothing really happened and, if you don't recognize that, you'll seek another "hot" girl to kiss or fuck to feel another surge of confidence. This is an unsustainable and exhausting way to operate in the world. It is not what a well-integrated man does.

For many men in the pickup community, sex is top of mind. Connecting with a girl understandably takes a back seat when a man hasn't gotten laid in a while. But that is because men believe that if they haven't had sex in a long time that they will suffer psychologically, and so they suffer psychologically. Suffering from lack of sex is not an immutable law of biology, contrary to what you have been taught. It is a cultural pressure on you that you either accept or reject. You can go without sex for years and not suffer because you are taking action to change your life and the world around you. This empowers you and frees you from the tyranny of sexual desire. (Do you think ancestors could afford the emotional energy expended from suffering from lack of sex during periods of migration or village construction?)

Here is what goes through most pickup men's minds: "who cares about whether she is a cool person-- does her face look closer to that of a fashion model/celebrity than the average woman? If so, she has more human worth and is probably cooler that the average woman. If I fuck her, my friends will be more impressed and I will be more happy."

Translation: Coked up, drama-filled, status-seeking, go go dancer from L.A. club > Cultured girl with depth whose body and face look nothing like the sleek appearance of Megan Fox.

This insanity is what makes men scrutinize the appearance of instructors' girls. "Tyler's girlfriend isn't hot enough!!" Well, maybe not to you. But maybe Tyler sees something in her that you don't because you don't know her. Maybe he likes her face because he likes the features she carries. That is enough.

Breaking down superficial criteria of social value that you were indoctrinated with growing up and then relearning that many women have a lot to offer is a meditation. You knew this when you were a child.

When this takes place, the "HB5 - HB 10" scale disappears EXCEPT AS A MEASURE OF HOW THE WOMAN IS SELF-INTEGRATED AND STABLE. You still value what you find visually attractive and you are under no obligation to have sex with women whose appearance does nothing for your arousal, but you can start to recognize the best in people. When you do this, life transforms.

After you have verified the veracity of this life philosophy, can you make a best friend out of a girl in 20 minutes, regardless of what she looks like? That is completely different from making her think you're a really great conversationalist, getting her aroused, or even getting her interested in having bathroom sex, which many pickup instructors do. That is old pickup. This is the new pickup, in which you establish a connection with each person you meet (when you want).

Consider that bathroom pulls, 10-minute pulls, car pulls and so on are neat tricks, but ultimately unsatisfying for pickup instructors, they just don't tell you this because that's what their students constantly ask about: the flashy stuff. Just ask my good friend GoneSavage, who regularly pulled girls to his car on his road trip in 2005-06. The man can pull with such consistency, no one can touch him in the pickup community. He does it because he doesn't see pulling girls in as an indicator of a skill, just part of the adventure he brings to them and himself. His motivation is to bring the girl an experience of adventure and novelty she has never had before. He doesn't say, "let me see, if I can bathroom pull, that indicates I am a great pickup artist and I have skills. Let me practice the skill of pulling girls to a bathroom. Once I do that I'll feel more confident." That type of thinking is a trap.

When you see the value in women who work hard to live well-integrated lives, the platonic/sexual dichotomy construct disappears. Imagine if you made best friends with a girl you found attractive for yourself and you genuinely didn't care if you had sex with her, but you did later that night because that's how the night flowed.

That is the new pickup, in which pickup happens or it doesn't based on the interaction of the action you take as a man and the flow of life that comes at you, not what you demand life to send you.

-theurbanunderground