What makes you, you. Almost 3 years..

[Guest]

In everyone's life there comes a point where the person will experience an event that will define that person until either they realize that it was the wrong, by wrong I mean the unsocial way, to do something or that society responds in a way the individual deems favorable. The key contexts in this are "what society deems favorable" and "what the individual deems favorable", with which the definitions for either can be extremely subjective.[INDENT][B]True story example:[/B] One time, when I was 12, my parents took me to a haunted house theme park, Screams. Now, up until this point, I had been in at least 20 fist fights with other kids my age. Fighting was just a way of survival in the school district in which I resided, as cliche as it sounds. So, mind you, up until this point I have always been on a state of suspended guard and ready for a fight. Combine that sense of increased readiness with guys walking around scaring people and you can guess what I did.

If you thought, "You punched that fucker, 12-year-old-UFC-style." Oh how right you are. Complete with bloody nose, embarrassment in front of a girl he had a crush on and everything.

My parents, first laughed, then asked if the guy was ok, and then proceed to do the societal thing and tell me that I "can't go around punching people" to which my father later recanted and told me "You made me proud, whenever someone does the fake jump like he's going to do something, you pop him."

Now, in this you have the societal values, that a person shouldn't hit another. You add too it though that it's understandable that it happened because I was 12 and surprised and then you have my individual value to protect one's self if you are surprised in anyway, your first response should be protecting yourself. The old, "Shoot first and ask questions later" bit. I have since learned though, that if you should expect that you could be scared, then it's not cool to hit, every time else though is free game.
[/INDENT]Now, the reasons most of us are here or the reason why we came here, is this very problem. No, not the fight. The programming issue.

At some point we were programmed with responses based on what the people of "authority" have told us. It could have been a parent, police officers, a teacher, a principle, anyone that you looked up to. Society is what we are inundated with everyday. It is the people that surround us. Those people, have programmed you.

My personal story is as such.

I came here because:
- I thought it was socially wrong to sit next to a girl you found attractive and instead you should admire her from afar. Wrong.... and kinda creepy.
-Little did I know, but the previous one was also because of a confidence issue.
- I thought it was bad to be caught looking at a woman so I would look away real fast. Wrong. Again, this played into a confidence thing and kinda creepy.
- I had a problem in public places. I couldn't talk to anyone because I felt embarrassed for no reason. (confidence).
- I had ingrained in my head that it was socially wrong to talk to random strangers and that all of the individuals that talked to one another must have somehow knew each other. Wrong.
- I was very uncomfortable with my body. I thought I was fat, (I was) and unattractive. In fairness to the looks thing, I was obese but I changed because it made me feel better, literally. The getting chicks thing was just a bonus.
- I thought it was bad to treat a girl like a guy friend. Wrong. I would now venture to say you should treat them even more like this then your guy friends. This one lead to...
- I placed the pussy on a pedestal. I used to always curtail and cow-tail my actions around women. Wrong.
- I thought that the best way into a woman's pants is to be a "friend". Wrong. Although it does work like 20% of the time on women who aren't as strong.
- I thought my life was embarrassing so I never told stories from it. Wrong. I was just telling the wrong ones.
- I thought it was socially wrong to express attraction for a woman. Wrong.
- I thought it was wrong to be sexually explicit with anyone! Wrong. I was just doing it wrong.

I reversed this programming I had only after immense thought. I started with these questions.

"Why do I think I should look away when a woman and I meet eyes?"
"Why do I feel it is wrong to sit next to something you are attracted to, is it not OK for me to stand next to a painting I like?"
"Why is it not OK to be sexual? Isn't the point for talking to someone to eventually have sex?" [this revealed several things and I actually answered this one in the negative, and then added a caveat]

I leave with this: If you are new and want to improve or if you have been around but still aren't where you want to be, Question WHY you believe something and then go run new tests. Consider yourself a scientist, and you are merely testing out hypotheses.