Original Article:
http://www.venusianarts.com/approach-an ... y-matador/
I can't make this shit up. LOL
Approach Anxiety by Matador
I have read many references to this topic. It occurs to me that many people think that there is something wrong with them for having approach anxiety and are looking for ways to ?get rid of it.?
WHAT IS APPROACH ANXIETY?
Approach anxiety is the hard-wired, natural emotional circuit that fires and causes you to experience discomfort at the thought of approaching a set.
Cut cut cut. That's not exactly true. There is evidence that approach anxiety may actually be appropriate at times or it may actually be caused by ego defensive mechanisms. Have you ever felt better after 3 approaches, why is that? Ego validation perhaps???
WHY DO I FEEL APPROACH ANXIETY?
Approach anxiety stems from two sources of fear that have been hard-wired through evolution.
FEAR#1: Fear of being retaliated against by other males.
FEAR#2: Fear of being ostracized by the remaining available female population.
Yeah. More fucked up advice I just pulled out of my ass...eh Matador or should I say Stanley?
Let's look at your kooky insecurities here....
FEAR#1 (Notice all in caps "FEAR!!!") is fear of being retaliated by other males. Hmmmmm...other males? Well if I see a set at a bar and there's a guy in it, then he might be dating one of the girls. And if I approach the set, the guy will probably be defensive.
That's appropriate. That's what I'd do if some stranger walked up and asked the group about David Bowie or something.
What's wrong with that? If instead I were to just talk to all of them and just smile and say "You guys look fun." then that's ok.
Maybe Matador has the FEAR!
FEAR#2: Fear of being ostracized by the remaining available female population.
Ok guys, here's marketing 101. Create a problem and then tell others that YOU are the only one with the solution. Make people feel bad about themselves and insert YOUR PRODUCT as the solution to their problem.
Dude, its just a fucking bar. People go out, either alone or in groups. Just get out there and talk to some girls. Why care about such bullshit?
WHERE DID IT COME FROM?
We have descended from a tribal culture. We still live in a tribal culture, although not one that easily identifiable compared to what we think a tribe is (i.e. African Tribes).
Take the movie Braveheart for example. Think of the William Wallace?s tribe or clan and that was how life used to be for our ancestors. A lot of our emotions have been developed and refined for survival in that environment. However, our environment has changed far too rapidly and our emotional circuitry has not adapted fast enough.
In a tribal culture of let?s say 100 people, roughly half would be male and half would be female. So you have 50 viable females to choose from. From that 50, half of those would be too old to align with, so now you are down to 25. Out of those 25, half would be already taken by another man, so now you are down to approximately 12.
Now we're quoting Mystery. Seems appropriate to fall in with the Polit Bureau. The secret police might shoot you if you don't.
Again, social Darwinism meets Marketing.
Introduce fear and scarcity and set yourself up as the SOLUTION to the problem.
My take on the issue he brings up...We still live in a tribal society. The problem with the modern world IS the computer and the internet.
Get out of the house. Get to know a few people. Really girls are not scary monsters that they portray them as. They are not robots or safes to be cracked.
And really who gives a shit about how many sexually viable females are in a given population. What about next door or at the bar? How many grannies do you see at the bar on a saturday night? Come off it.
Ok Mata-douche continue....
In this environment, it is very easy to step up to the wrong girl?a girl who is already spoken for by another man. Times were brutal back then. It was a real possibility that if you stepped to the wrong girl, that man would come by with his friends and kill with a rock. That?s were fear number 1 comes into play. Fear of being retaliated against by other males. Remember, there are a lot of blood lines that are not here with us today that didn?t have the precise emotional circuitry that you have. There emotional circuitry proved insufficient to govern their behavior for optimal survival purposes. To put it into context, a lot the guys who didn?t pay respect to this legitimate danger back then died out and their descendants with them. You are looking at a biased population.
Rule #2 for marketing...repeat repeat repeat. If you say it enough, people will believe it. Just for the sake of repeating myself....come up with a plausible fear or scarcity and make people think that your product is the only solution to that "problem". See the movie Roger Dodger for this.
Now, remember from the paragraph above, you have 12 healthy, viable females to choose from now. If you step to on of those 12 and she rejects you?word will spread of that rejection and pretty soon, the other 11 will not want to align with as well. You can see this trend in some small college communities?have you ever gotten player/scumbag reputation and all of a sudden none of the other girls will want to go out with you. If the cause of the rejection was bad enough, you might have to leave your tribe to another to find a woman that will align with you. This is the cause for fear number 2: Fear of being ostracized by the remaining available female population.
Have you ever gotten player/scumbag reputation and all of a sudden none of the girls want to go out with you?
Speak for yourself oh Caveman of the Vest.
This is what Matador looks like guys......
The guy on the right.
I guess if you dress like a douchebag, you get treated like one? Just a guess.
HOW DO I GET RID OF IT?
Now, to try to accomplish this is to say something along the lines of, ?how do I not scan a girls breast, hair, body, and the rest of her health indicators when she walks in the room.? The answer is you can?t. You will do so as an automatic reflex. The universe behaves has it should gentlemen. God only knows where we were given all the false stories and references points that leave us wallowing in a sea of confusion and frustration at the contradiction between reality and idealistic fantasies. You approach anxiety will always be there. It is a hardwired response. Try not to think in terms of getting rid of it, but understand it, and de-fang it..
God only knows where we were given all the false stories and references points that leave us wallowing in a sea of confusion and frustration
I dunno, probably some caveman douchebag marketing guy who calls himself Matador? Again, these guys hammer and hammer on fears and insecurities.
If you're out of the house and you see a hot girl and you happen to say something to her and she starts talking to you, guess what?? She likes you. Keep going. That's it.
Enough talk of fear and insecurity Matador.
Logically, in the watering holes and public gatherings that we TYPICALLY roll in, is a jealous boyfriend going to kill you with his friends if you open properly?I have never had someone try to kill me with his friends for opening a girl?I pulled a girl right out of her boyfriends arms last week in south beach and I did it without hitch?it is not something to brag about either?anyone, can do it with the right approach. The fear should be inoculated for our CURRENT ENVIRONMENT. It does not apply.
Watering holes you roll in? Is Matador trying to say he actually takes a bath? I should hope so. I can imagine he smells pretty bad.
Then he's bragging for geting some chick's number? Wow. I'm impressed Matador. You're my hero. A girl had a guy with her and you got her number. Dude, you should be teaching courses on that shit!
QUICK NOTE: There are some environments that are very tribal?there are some cultures that are very primitive?don?t try trust test with a bunch of natives of one of those Hawaiian islands where the blood line is still pure and expect not to get some shit.
Wow Matador, you really are a fucking sociologist. Man I'm impressed. You've been to Hawaii too? Wow man. I love Waikiki. Its got tons of native girls in hula skirts.
But if I ever run across some of those dangerous natives, I'll be thinking of you. Maybe I could borrow your vest and Bowie knife to defend myself. Dude, you're like Indiana Jones or something. Just imagine...Matador the Indiana Jones of Pickup....traveling to exotic islands and meeting tribal peoples and sarging them and their women....why? Just because...that's why!!
Next, in the watering holes and public gatherings that we TYPICALLY roll in, is a target in a set, that didn?t go well, going to inform the entire city, state, or country that you live in of your game and how bad it is? Is she going to put up a website call, http://www.bobsgamesucks.com? Hell no, she will have forgotten what you look by the end of the next day and life goes on.
Matador, you ever see those waterbuffalos in Africa that roll around in mud and water trying to get themselves clean?
Somehow, that's the impression I get of you. Rolling in watering holes?
Let's be honest here, Matador, if you work for a company who does pickup and does it in several US and Eurpoean cities, then you'll probably not get a reputation as a douchebag unless you wear a vest and grab your crotch.
Or you're on a TV show for being a "pick up artist", maybe then you'd get some resistance. Ya think?
If you "roll" into a place and its a place you frequent, its probably better to be friendly with girls and the guys too.
In the sea of people that big cities provide, this fear does not apply and should be logically neutralized.
QUICK NOTE: In closed communities, such as small colleges or small towns where word spreads. If you get a reputation as a guy who is a player, who impregnated a girl and left, who beats girls, or does anything that would red flag a girl?s S&R value judging circuit, then they will spread the word about you and you will have to leave and game somewhere else.
Our emotional and logical parts of our brain are in constant conflict. I am not suggesting that by logically knowing why you are feeling AA that it should go away?that would be unnatural. I am however suggesting arming yourself with the logic of the situation so that you can better control it, rather than, it control you and ruin so many possibilities in the making.
Oh I get it, you're hiding in public. You're so afraid of being "discovered" that people would find out that you actually fuck chicks that you hide in big cities.
Oh glad you enlightened me on how to be anonymous and not really stand out or get to know anyone.
Also it sounds like you're in your head WAY TOO MUCH. You're putting too much emphasis on emotions, brain chemicals and anxiety. And fear again. Remember they want to introduce fear so they can sell the solution.(I repeat myself)
Even TOP PUAs feel it. Imagine a Master Instructor?s approach anxiety on bootcamp night?not only do we have to deal with our own?we have performance anxiety on top of that?we have to hug, kiss, number-close, and pull girls for an audience in a totally unscripted and unpredictable environment.
That doesn't sound like anyone I'd want to pay to teach me how to approach women. That sounds more like some nervous guy who has issues.
]How do I deal with it? I feel it and immediately identify it. Next, I logically deal with it and dissect it. Then I logically override what I am feeling by crudely saying, ?FUCK IT?I?M GOING IN? and then DO IT. I?ve done this some many times at this point, I am kind of desensitized to it, but it is always still there?if we could attach ourselves to heart rates monitors, you would see a little bleep here and there?the point it, at a TOP PUA level, it doesn?t CONTROL us?we CONTROL it!
You're desensitized to it? And yet you keep talking about it. You sound like a guy with huge insecurities.
One final note. ALCOHOL is not a solution for AA. You can drink to be social, unwind, and have fun with the boys when gaming, but drinking should not be a tool to combat AA. In fact, drinking more than a few drinks impairs my game. If I am being filmed or I have some audience, I am in top form with one beer maximum if any.
Yeah we agree on something.
Top form? I put on my caveman outfit and talk about my insecurities. Top form?
I once had a bootcamp student in Los Angeles, and I kid you not, had eight shots of tequila before he opened one single set. I felt really bad for him. His approach anxiety was BAD?he looked like he was really in pain. I?ve had grown men start crying when I try to push them to open (some were ex-military). AA is very real and no joke and if you don?t understand it, de-fang it, and control it?it can SEVERERLY lower the quality of your life by destroying so many possibilities. I think back to all those years, I was clueless about game and girls and all the potential LOVES I?ve lost?all the popular girls in high school that I could?ve gotten?oh well, fuck it?going to plow forward! To briefly reference my ?Excuse Master? post?I believe this is many times the true culprit behind all those fantastic rationalizations we have to not go into a set or not call a girl the next day.
Tell you what.....Let's DEFANG your marketing bullshit.
Again Fear, Anxiety.
Plow forward? That would be an evolution for you, my caveman friend. You'd go from hunter gatherer to farming if you plow ahead.
My advice to you is to stop using routine stacks and dress a little less douchey. Probably take a real shower. Then calm down. Stop acting so figity and talk to a few chicks about life and see if any of them bite. If not, you can always wear the vest and show off your massive arms again.
I am not above my humanity either?I feel it same as you. I am not always as strong as I would like to be and am imperfect in many ways?what I strive for is a higher level of awareness and execution of my elaborate plans for this life with the ultimate goal of what I perceive to be happiness.
Well that's something. Too bad its not really a well formed outcome. In fact, its kinda general. Also thanks for telling us you're human. I would not have guessed that.
Actually you should try telling the women in your life that you're human and that you're not using lines on them.
Be honest and be funny without scripts or routine stacks.
And please.....STOP GIVING BAD ADVICE!!
This is Tribulus. And this has been Bad Advice #2: Matador.
-T