Hurting a woman's feelings....I hate it! How to avoid?

[Omni26]

One topic that I believe is not covered nearly well enough in PUA writing and education is the topic of "relationship management". What I mean by this is how we manage the expectations and general emotional direction of a woman who we are interested in picking up (or already have).

Sometimes I think that we can do our job a little too well, and when this happens we find a woman has become very attached, and is "expecting" a monogamous relationship. We know already that women are like this....especially ones with a personality that would tend to plan for the future. I have had more than one woman tell me recently how they immediately size up a man through imagining a long-term future with them. Combine this with the attraction / comfort / rapport that we may be capable of generating through PUA skills, and you may find yourself in a situation where a woman has fallen in love with you VERY quickly.

This very thing has happened to me once already this year, and I can sense it is about to happen with at least one new woman that I have in my current rotation of females. In my opinion, by NOT managing a woman's expectations early and up front, we run the risk of seriously damaging them emotionally (yes, I care about this!), or in a worst-case situation creating a real enemy. We all need all the friends we can get, and there is no reason to create enemies out of women who we "let down". They may have the potential to be a really great female friend in the future, not to mention pivots and/or wing-women!

So....how to manage this? Do we tell them UP FRONT that we don't want a relationship? If so, we may certainly build attraction (because they want what they can't have), but we also run the risk of them running the other way because we don't fit the picture of what they are looking for "long term". I especially find this second scenario to be true with females in their 30's and 40's (they don't want to waste time if you're not on the same page with them and their plans), but this would occur also with women in their 20's who are just beginning the process of planning their lives long-term (in particular the "big picture" planner-types).

Bottom line is that I hate hurting a woman's feelings, but I don't want to blow my chances at getting what I want right now. And I do not believe that the training to manage this is really out there. Any thoughts / comments / etc. from the community on this? I hope this makes sense.

-Omni

[Scoundrel]

Is it love or are they simply smitten? I have a couple of women that are smitten with me (I call them smitten kittens and they love it). But, this will ware off in a few months.

I always go back to the beginning and apply what Style said in The Game. I tell them all relationships have a pace and a rhythm. We should enjoy what we're feeling now and see what happens later. At first things may feel very strong, but that could all fade with only a little time and we shouldn't rush anything.

I'm always truthful with the women in my life about not being exclusive. I usually tell them up front, within the first few minutes, "I'm not looking for a girlfriend. We can have sex if you want, but I'm just not ready to commit." Some go for it and some don't No one gets all the girls.

However, you are not responsible for her feelings. She's a grown up.

[Omni26]

Excellent advice, Scoundrel...my problem has been that I can get wrapped up in her emotions, which is a BAD thing, I know! Trying to reform myself in that area.

[Scoundrel]

If you haven't read this book, you should.

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262113717&sr=1-1