looked and saw this wasn't posted on here, but i'd bet its been on masf. don't know the author, if anyone knows speak up. and again, sorry if repost, but i saw this elsewhere and thought of this board.
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What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
what happened to the nice guy?
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what happened to the nice guy?
by Vicious » Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:11 pm
'Tis so much to be a king, that he only is so by being so. - Michael Eyquen de Montaigne
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by El Fenix » Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:57 pm
It's so true. Benn through that cycle myself, and in a few ways am still going through it.
"Ask what makes you come alive and do it, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
"No one gives it to you, you have to take it."
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
"No one gives it to you, you have to take it."
-
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by Howiestern » Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:55 am
Yeah that's pretty much how it works. I went through a similar deal ....used to be the bad boy who got his dream chic, developed it into a LTR, then slowly turned into a puss putting her on a pedestal and ignoring some of my needs. Everything became all about her.
She found herself a new badboy and told me how she didn't love me like she used to but still wanted to be friends. After I finally wised up and saw that she didn't have much to offer me anymore, I turned the table on her and now I'm out having the time of my life hunting up all the honey's.
Damm near recovered and life is getting great!
These skills you learn for picking up chics should be used for keeping them as well.
She found herself a new badboy and told me how she didn't love me like she used to but still wanted to be friends. After I finally wised up and saw that she didn't have much to offer me anymore, I turned the table on her and now I'm out having the time of my life hunting up all the honey's.
Damm near recovered and life is getting great!
These skills you learn for picking up chics should be used for keeping them as well.
-
Howiestern - rAFC
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by Alphagame » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:48 pm
Howiestern,
Some say that getting really good at sex will prevent this, but I'm not 100% sold. I've improved my sex dramatically, and even though my last girlfriend told me I was the best sexual partner she'd ever had, I think they (and we) still get bored.
The difference is, as men, if we have an exclusive girlfriend, we allow the AA to take over. Women don't understand the concept of AA. Even if we go to the bars, unless a woman throws herself at us, we don't cheat, mainly because we don't approach. But women, on the other hand, if they go to the bars, they don't have to do anything and men approach them. If the right guy comes along and says the right things and does the right things and the situation is right (no cockblocking, etc) and if she's at all bored with you...
My solution, I think, is to maintain 2 girlfriends at all times going forward. I know going in to it, 6 months, give or take, is all I can expect in an "open" relationship. The nice thing is, if one chick leaves me, I've still got another one to keep my spirits up. Then I can replace the one that left with a new one. And, I can search for upgrades all the time and hopefully, dump them instead of it being the other way around.
At least that's how I'm gonna try to solve the problem. Initially, I was gonna try to get so good at pick-up that I could get laid most of the time I went out by a different chick. But then I learned that even the best, most experienced PUA's only get laid on one out of five trips to the bars. For a normal guy like me, I'd be doing well to get laid 12 times a year without taking on a girlfriend.
Multiple girlfriends at the same time is the way for me, I think.
And what's weird is, all women say they'd never fall for a guy like me and be just one of my girlfriends. What I've done is turned my greatest weakness into my greatest strength. In the past, I'd come off as needy, indicate to them early on that I wanted a serious relationship. I'd get dumped every time. They want a non-needy guy. Ok, now I'm non-needy. By the time she brings up the exclusive relationship talk, she's already in love with me and THEN she learns I have several girlfriends, the jealousy works to my advantage and she takes on the challenge of trying to win me over to an exclusive relationship. It works. But I guarantee if you'd have asked any of these women if they'd ever fall for a guy like me, they'd say hell no, never in a million years.
Some say that getting really good at sex will prevent this, but I'm not 100% sold. I've improved my sex dramatically, and even though my last girlfriend told me I was the best sexual partner she'd ever had, I think they (and we) still get bored.
The difference is, as men, if we have an exclusive girlfriend, we allow the AA to take over. Women don't understand the concept of AA. Even if we go to the bars, unless a woman throws herself at us, we don't cheat, mainly because we don't approach. But women, on the other hand, if they go to the bars, they don't have to do anything and men approach them. If the right guy comes along and says the right things and does the right things and the situation is right (no cockblocking, etc) and if she's at all bored with you...
My solution, I think, is to maintain 2 girlfriends at all times going forward. I know going in to it, 6 months, give or take, is all I can expect in an "open" relationship. The nice thing is, if one chick leaves me, I've still got another one to keep my spirits up. Then I can replace the one that left with a new one. And, I can search for upgrades all the time and hopefully, dump them instead of it being the other way around.
At least that's how I'm gonna try to solve the problem. Initially, I was gonna try to get so good at pick-up that I could get laid most of the time I went out by a different chick. But then I learned that even the best, most experienced PUA's only get laid on one out of five trips to the bars. For a normal guy like me, I'd be doing well to get laid 12 times a year without taking on a girlfriend.
Multiple girlfriends at the same time is the way for me, I think.
And what's weird is, all women say they'd never fall for a guy like me and be just one of my girlfriends. What I've done is turned my greatest weakness into my greatest strength. In the past, I'd come off as needy, indicate to them early on that I wanted a serious relationship. I'd get dumped every time. They want a non-needy guy. Ok, now I'm non-needy. By the time she brings up the exclusive relationship talk, she's already in love with me and THEN she learns I have several girlfriends, the jealousy works to my advantage and she takes on the challenge of trying to win me over to an exclusive relationship. It works. But I guarantee if you'd have asked any of these women if they'd ever fall for a guy like me, they'd say hell no, never in a million years.
- Alphagame
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- Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:07 am
by Alphagame » Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:28 pm
Dogstar,
Trying to negotiate the minefield of rejection, just to get them to girlfriend status, isn't easy. It's still tough. So even with this strategy, maintaining good pick-up skills is critical, though, I will admit, when you already have a girlfriend or two, pick-up is a lot easier.
Seriously, I've only found SIX women in my life who'd have me for repeated sex. My measuring stick for that is 5 to 7 times. After the 5th to 7th lay with the same chick, it's pretty much your option to dump them at that point. Up to that point, if she's good looking enough for you, the danger is that she'll dump you, not the other way around. After the 5th to 7th lay, the shoe is suddenly on the other foot.
Trying to negotiate the minefield of rejection, just to get them to girlfriend status, isn't easy. It's still tough. So even with this strategy, maintaining good pick-up skills is critical, though, I will admit, when you already have a girlfriend or two, pick-up is a lot easier.
Seriously, I've only found SIX women in my life who'd have me for repeated sex. My measuring stick for that is 5 to 7 times. After the 5th to 7th lay with the same chick, it's pretty much your option to dump them at that point. Up to that point, if she's good looking enough for you, the danger is that she'll dump you, not the other way around. After the 5th to 7th lay, the shoe is suddenly on the other foot.
- Alphagame
- gPUA
- Posts: 78
- Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:07 am
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