A conversation On reactivity and Drugs

[Cru$H]

Cru$H: what did u guys do that night

PHARO: what night

Cru$H: the night u were with xxxxx

PHARO: we burned a lil

Cru$H: oh arite fuck that

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: I heard your weekend warriors over there aye

PHARO: hahah yeah.who told u about that? xxxxl?

Cru$H: no your brother did. xxxx

PHARO: o lol

Cru$H: oh well. i mean its fine if u guys want to do it, but u have to understand, that u are
a competitive person, and a smart person

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: and some of that will go away. its not the lungs part u should care about. u lose
some of ur masculinity

PHARO: hows that

Cru$H: u become less whitty. xxxxx is a good example. even at small doses. he used to be the man. like quick with words

PHARO: now what

Cru$H: now he cant get through a full sentence

PHARO: i smoke like once, twice at most a week and those stoner kids do 2 times a day.

Cru$H: im not telling u not to. im just telling u what happens

PHARO: i just do it when theres no party or anything,

Cru$H: i used to be u.like literally almost the same exact person. we have similar personalities.

PHARO: ur the man tho

Cru$H:. i stopped smoking. so. yeah man
all im saying to u guys is instead of smoking there is other shit to do

PHARO: like what man

Cru$H: like girls. Even if ur into drugs. There are other drugs to experiment with that arent addictive and legal like salvia, shrooms

PHARO: pot isnt addictive

Cru$H: yeah no i know.i didnt say it was. im saying if ur gunna destroy ur body like expand ur horizons to a certain extent. dont become a pothead

PHARO: i understand

Cru$H: u guys are like brothers to me so dont fuck shit up

PHARO: i no man but im not a pothead

Cru$H: true

PHARO: ive never done it during the school days or anything, i just do it maybe 1 or 2 on a friday or sat thats it only bc theres nothing to do man

Cru$H: look there is plenty to do. U can go to the city, go sarging in other towns, concerts, shit u like to do. Go rockclimbing skydiving, gun range, go cart racing, car shows. dont but yuno what don’t even worry about it man. i undersand where your at. At this point smoking to you is like recreation. The difference from day to day is probably slim. You don’t notice a difference in drive and motivation. But u dont have to explain. Our town, xxxxxxx is gay, plain and simple and smoking is a way to have fun

PHARO: remmeber during the summer, ur age group, xxxx and xxxx were the only fun i had
Cru$H: u should meet younger kids, and turn them into champs

PHARO: i dislike the younger xxxxxx
Cru$H: well hes obnoxious

PHARO: the both are

Cru$H: yup

PHARO: what about little xxxxx, wut do u think of him

Cru$H: i love that kid

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: like him better than his older brother

PHARO: yeah lol

Cru$H: his other brother too

PHARO: yeah xxxx is my good friend and my best friend

Cru$H: i love those kids man because they know life and didnt go to the bad side: u and xxxx remind me of myself

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: like literally.u are the coolest kids in ur grade. u just need to realize it. i know now that i was the coolest kid in my grade after I already graduated and I barely hu with girls in my school, mostly other district girls. Look man, just like u, i was cool with 98% of the people

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: I was friends with 50% of the people, and i did everything, tried everything once, even if I was bad at it, and thats where the respect came from. Because I don’t care when I fail. I don’t get embarrassed.

PHARO: yeah I remember when u tried out for basketball after not playing for years, made the team and then just quit.

Cru$H: well u have to understand, I told the truth to everyone. people respected me even if they didnt like me. Like when I was a kid, I would lie a lot to be cooler. Suck up to kids I didn’t like. Then I realized that was idiotic behavior and starting being “real” towards the end. i made some changes in my lifestyle that made me a less happy person, but a more realistic person. And that made people angry. That suddenly I had opened my eyes to the real world. They wanted fake smiley joyful me back. People want to be lied to. It makes them feel better.but then, I became happier than I ever was because I developed “real” relationships. Don’t fake it till u make it. Undergo a real transformation.

PHARO: yea
Cru$H: like honestly, anyone who dosent like u, is someone who perceives u as a threat

PHARO: yeah i get it
Cru$H: and has similar characteristics in their self, that they don’t want to be competed with.yeah man as a matter of fact u don’t like the kid because, your threatened by him. otherwise u wouldnt have said that. U obviously don’t pity him. Think about it. we both are self confident, we know that is a trait that is attractive in business, politics, life and women and we know he is cocky

PHARO: why would i be threatened by him? i just dont like him bc hes a dick

Cru$H: right. but ur a dick and so am I to a certain extent

PHARO: like he sold a kid dirt and said it was dip for 20 bucks

Cru$H: right but u might do something like that as a joke. think about it. these characteristics are things we hate in ourselves. It def took me a while to realize it, I first heard it from David D on his advanced series I think. But to come to that realization was lifechanging, because it makes me aware of how insecure I really am.

PHARO: i see

Cru$H: but ... do u actually see?in yourself?for real?

PHARO: yeah i get what ur saying

Cru$H: are u not a dick to some kids?wouldnt u do that?
PHARO: but i dont agree that everyone i dislike is bc i think they are a threat

Cru$H: why would you? The thought itself is threatening to your psyche, and your self esteem

PHARO: idk

Cru$H: think about it man

PHARO: Also.. i would feel guilty if I did that joke and idk if i would take 20 bucks for dirt and watch a kid put it in their mouth

Cru$H: yeah but he does feel guilty too. The kid is a guilt train man. He’s obviously very insecure, you don’t even need to AMOG someone like that. They destroy themselves because they aren’t a real man. They evoke emotional reactions that don’t do anything for girls. Look why do true PUAs just not give a shit anymore, they dont care about anyone elses actions, only themselves

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: u need to eliminate that. water those assholes and dicks down to insecure nice guysand u will feel a lot better about the world and yourself. Remember the kid who used to do the morning announcements and how he would come into class late and flirt with girls and be a dick. i own xxxxxx for one reason. i didn't REACT to his bullshit. He would say something to me, I would just simply not respond or look at him blankly until he would be swirling in his own words. His cleverness worked against him. But what I have learned is that i still do REACT to peoples bullshit on an emotional level. Subconsciously I get angry, not so much jealous anymore, but it is what makes that beta part of me exist, which is what u got to eliminate. Remember when I got in fights. getting in fights and all that is reaction. U don’t want to react u want to cause other people to react

PHARO: ur saying reaction is bad

Cru$H: your sort of getting my point. It’s more about knowing u can but not. It changed my life when maybe it was about the third fight I ever got into that landed me a spot in jail for the night. And I was sitting their thinking about how low class the dirtbag sitting next to me was. I come from a well off town… take showers. The simple stuff. thats why desensatizing yourself is good and bad.. thats why feeling pain and experiencing rejection is good

PHARO: i see

Cru$H: so u transform into this impenetrable force and eventually u are immortal if u do something to change the world and invincible, metaphorically of course. Don’t become a social robot persay, just have a story under the rough exterior.

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: i want you to be that high with me, anything below is immature, or less mature. which is why when u get in arguments with ur older brother about stupid things, when im over ur house.................. I say nothing and I leave. And when u include me in the argument, like bring me into it. I simply say to one of you lets go xxxx.dont deal with this

PHARO: i see

Cru$H: u can get me to be reactive these days,but it takes a while, and usually i wont flip out like I used to. Years of getting the shit kicked out of me from my dad and my brothers and look now a days

PHARO: yah

Cru$H: I would rarely fight someone but also im not going to pull a guido if i want to fight someone, no talking shit, just going up to them, and punch them in the face

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: and thats that

PHARO: so basically, no reaction, dont care, is what u want
Cru$H: im not expecting to totally eliminate emotion, doing that is pointless because then ur personality goes to shit. u have to develop an on and off switch

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: lets say ur with a girl.one thats seen u over time your development and seen u show her ur emotionless. If u show less shell be like wtf happened gets curious and u slowly expose to her to your changed person

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: and show reactivity to a certain extent. if shes like hey blah blah blah and being flaky or something, a good thing to say is wait....actually, u know what never mind(almost implying shes not worth it.)shes like what

PHARO: haha

Cru$H: u have something to say ( but u turned the switch off) and you know what your capable of saying or could say. it makes u happy, that u can control urself and not say it, that u can control urself in general, and turn the anger, hate, spite, jealousy off, that u can control urself and not care when shes flaky. Just back off, no reaction go do ur own thing. get it?

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: yeah man the new me wants to go back to the old me and punch the old me in the face but at the same time the new me is like yuno what u are content u are confident u love yourself

PHARO: yea

Cru$H: dont let the old self back and ull be good. have a STORY.not a chapter. I know that if they wrote a movie about my life it would be one fucking awesome movie

PHARO: haha

Cru$H: and if u shot me today a lot of people would be at my funeral weeping their eyes out. a lot of broken hearts. a lot of guys that are saying. jesus christ Cru$h was crazy, wait was he really an asshole, or was he just telling me the truth?

PHARO: haha

Cru$H: im suprised he didnt die before he turned 18

PHARO: hhha yeah

Cru$H: a lot of police including officer xxxxx would be there.

PHARO: ahha true

Cru$H: yeah man. so now its up to u

PHARO: ill try. i just gota remember. about the switch

Cru$H: yeah man. And forget smoking. u dont want to be permanantly unreactive. u want to be able turn it on and off. think about it man. ur better than that. ur too good for that. i know its tempting because all ur less successful and competitive friends are doing it.

PHARO: yeah

Cru$H: but think about losing a hot girl to some idiot who dosent know anything because u were too stoned to talk to her, every time u get high. When u smoke she knows there is nothing behind that unreactivity besides dead brain cells

PHARO: lolol

Cru$H: wheres there could be a lot of stories, that ur just hiding